Just Do It

I am not sure if I have already previously written a blogpost with the similar title.
And this statement proves some things.

First, is that my memory is failing me at this moment.
Second, is that I have been feeling a recurring sentiment for some time now...
And third, is that I haven't managed to solve or to improve the current situation.

Battling with yourself is never easy, especially when you know what you want to do yet you can't seem to do it. The reasons? All the alibis you can imagine.

I have always been telling myself to push myself to the limits, achieve whatever I can while I haven't reached my 30s yet and experience greater things that are outside of my comfort zone. Yet, then and again, I find myself typing this blog post, "complaining" on how my battle with myself seems to not go anywhere.

It is a battle of productivity... of achieving your dreams and goals... of making it bigger.
Ooops.... Now, let me stop this train of thought for a while and write something about a particular moment when I wrote the text above.

"achieving your dreams and goals..." "making it bigger"
I cringed. What do these words mean? What do I want to do? What are my dreams and goals?? Where do I want to make it big????

They say that writing your thoughts can help you think more clearly and at this moment, I just hit on a realization that my dreams and goals are not really clear to me... and maybe that is the main reason why my battle with productivity is not moving forward. I don't see an end goal.

I know I want to have my own lovely family, have kids and have a comfortable life.
Career wise? I can see myself working for something with value and impact. Maybe being a boss for a well known company or maybe even working for the government. I have some other ideas which I choose not to share here, but other than that, I have no clear picture.

What do I want in life?
I guess I need to ask this to myself again and now, do better in finding answers.

I have been stuck here in this country for almost 5 years now, and it is slowly turning into my comfort zone. I am not sure if I am really making the most out of my 20s by being here and just working. I know I can do better and do better if only I start moving.

All this time, what I was thinking is that I lack self discipline that's why I can't seem to be productive. No. What I lack is a clearer vision of what I want to do with my life and what I want to achieve... that's why I can't seem to push myself harder and give myself enough motivation to be more productive.

...And I only realized that while writing this blog post. Cringed again.

I have set some previous goals before but it seems that they were all written in water, with no concrete timeline, plans and specifics.

I guess I have to re-evaluate my dreams and goals and then just do it. Time is ticking but I can't really say that I have wasted 5 years of my life here, because with it also come some achievements and good experiences... It is time to move forward.

The past is called past for a reason, and the future brings promises with it. And first, I have to know, I have to clearly picture... What do I want for myself after all of these? What future promise do I want to claim for myself? What are my dreams? What is my ultimate goal????

Just do it does not make sense without a purpose.

I have to search mine and  picture it clearly in my head.
I have to have an idea on what can wake me up in the morning, driven with passion and enthusiasm.
I have to know where I want to go.

And maybe, just maybe, if I can do these things,
I can naturally gravitate towards the realization of my dreams.

Why 26 feels so different from 25

I just turned 26 around 16 minutes ago. And it feels so different from last year.

I am not sure why but I am somehow feeling the pressure. I only have 4 years before being 30 and it somehow makes me think if I am already doing concrete steps for me to achieve the things I want for myself.

10 years ago, around this time, I think I just received the news that I passed the entrance exam for the premiere state university in my country. I was overjoyed, thankful, blessed. There were so many possibilities and things to look forward to.

Fast forward to today, I am still thankful and blessed. Joyful, I guess so!
I can say that I am proud of what I have become in the past 10 years-of the things I have achieved, places I have been too, people I have met, things I have tried and accomplished. Who would have thought that I will brave a land where English is not really used in everyday life, and learn a completely new way of expressing myself. Who would have thought that I will be as independent as I am now when my mother used to do almost everything for me back when I was home.

Above all, I am proud of the fact that I have stayed real and true to my relationship with God, who is the Center and Source of everything. Congrats and Job well done, Lence. Thank You Lord!

I don't really feel that I changed a lot but I know I made changes for the better.
The challenge now is how will I be able to use these 4 years to achieve the remaining dreams I have.

//I want to blog more but I know I want to sleep for tomorrow.

Am I happy? Yes. and I could be happier if I start looking at the bright side of things more.
Am I satisfied? I want to do more. And I know I can do that with God's will, if I only start moving.

Time to move. Time to act. It's time to make things happen for me.

Quarterlife

I turned 25 last Monday. Most people consider 25 years a milestone, a place where you can celebrate for the journey you had and for being able to reach this far. 

For me, I thank God for the wonderful life He is giving me.

And of course, my family, for their unending love that nourishes me.

I originally wanted to write a well-thought-out blog about turning 25 but my delaying tendencies left me typing this at 12:19 AM. And while I promise to myself everyday that I will be sleeping earlier, I am still obviously failing. But not about blogging this time.

Maaah, so here it is. I just thought that I need to organize my thoughts and preserve my state of mind-my realizations about being 25.

Always always be grateful. Appreciate life and everything that you have. Be thankful and appreciative.

Always value the people who value you. Accept the fact that not everyone will like you... but family, friends and loved ones will be there for you. Value the people who care and don't be affected so much by people who don't. A few good friends will always be better than a lot of friends with no one who really and truly cares. Evaluate the negative comments but don't criticize yourself for being you.

Love yourself. Take care of your health. Safety first! Be health conscious. 

Always be kind no matter what. Always smile and be positive. When you can't help but be sad, admit  your emotions and then get over it.

Always set goals for yourself. And work hard to achieve those goals.

Know your self worth.

Don't bring yourself down. Practice true humility. There is nothing wrong in shining and excelling. Always do your best! Your underperformance will haunt you. Don't be shy to give your best every time.

Don't buy cheap stuff. Know how to value and spend money the right way.

Style is a must. Carry yourself well. Confidence is key!

Always talk to God.

Invest in yourself. There is nothing wrong in spending for yourself especially if it will make you happy or better. But of course, know your limits.

Always learn something new!

Voice out your opinions. Never settle for something just because you're afraid to speak out.

Whenever you feel like doing something, as long as it is not a mortal sin, do it... or the moment passes you by. But of course, practice caution!

Don't gossip. Don't judge. Always see the good in people. Remember, you don't exactly know what others are going through.

Be patient. But learn how to speak out.

Do things well.

Always reflect.

Always strive to be better!

Be beautiful inside and out!

And the list goes on and on................

I should really blog more often!

I really need to organize my thoughts and practice my writing skills.

Who knows, I might be needing it in the near future!

Wish me luck!

Love you 2015!!! :D

Blog whenever you like it

There are times when I feel the urge to blog but I stop myself from doing so..
Why? Because I am always reminded of what my teacher once said, and I quote,
"Why will I give the world  reasons to laugh at me when I blog about sad things?"

And therefore, there were those several moments when I felt so down and sad when things did not go the way I would have wanted them to... or when I had too many complaints about the things I am undergoing or just whatsoever moments wherein I would like to pour my heart out. Yes, there were several instances wherein I literally stopped myself from blogging.

I don't want the world to judge me based on my thoughts on my blog back then.. but thinking about it now, really, what was I thinking???? THAT WAS CRAZY. and that defeats the purpose of blogging and why I started this blog in the first place.

This is my hidden haven. A place wherein my thoughts can flow freely because this is my little space. This is where I can write my opinions as long as they don't damage someone else's life or reputation. This is me. And I should never be shy about it.

Most of the time, when I feel that my brain is so confused from all the things that are happening, blogging serves as my only therapy.... so stopping myself from blogging is not a good thing at all. PLUS, recently, I am feeling that I am gradually losing my ENGLISH SKILLS. WTH!

I don't know if I need to start picking up a grammar book or what, I hope I am still not in that level but I just feel that I am losing the natural tendency to think like a native english speaker. Yes, I am struggling. I don't know if this is because of my recently (since last year) acquired Japanese skills but this is not allowable at all! THIS IS ... OMG. I can not think of the right adjective. I guess that proves my point. What is happening to me. HAHAHA.

Therefore, I have decided to go back to blogging my thoughts. And this time, I am gonna go back to the days when writing was one my passions and wherein getting creative with words was part of my hobbies.

I will rekindle the writer in me! And I am excited to start this journey! ;)

have not written in ages

yes!! and i have my very busy schedule to blame for that.
but looking back, i think i miss writing.

and i miss putting things to perspective.
i miss writing ideas and i miss being creative.
i said to myself that i should accomplish more once i got the chance to break out with the environment i used to have and i guess, little by little, i do that..
but i guess i am still the old me.
no need to change anyway, right?

there are so many things i want to share.
fears, frustrations, joys, etc.
and maybe as the days go by, i'll be able to put a piece of myself here again.
so that later on, i have something to cherish and look back.

i missed you blogger!
be prepared to be replenished one of these days!!

hello there!

been lost but now i am back.
i have skipped a lot of occasions that were actually worth blogging so i will just enumerate them here.
MY GRADUATION. yes, thank God i am not a College student anymore!!! i am a GRADUATE! :D
what else?

hm, oh well maybe that event is worth a lot... and means a lot, especially for my parents.

i have always decided to be more active here but i always forget to do so. i also promised to put more pictures but i also always fail to do so. what's happening?

well, maybe, a little change is good. maybe i should really try to blog more often. nah, i am rumbling to myself.

kidding aside, i was actually surprised with the different comments on my chatbox. i did not think that some people are reading this.. oh and i forgot, i received a comment about my usage of punctuation marks and capitalization.. and yeah, maybe i should improve on this one.

---

Starting now, I will be a renewed blogger :D

Ok, I promise, I will really try my best :D

i can't think of a title so i'll just place a :)

yeeeeey! i was able to fix my blog AGAIN! look at the new picture -->
that's me :D

i have noticed that my previous posts were kinda sad or desperate or whatever. i believe that this blog is personal and yes i tolerate my sudden bursts of emotions. maybe just a few years from now, after i experience the real world out there, i will laugh at myself for having been so stressed for trivial matters. but what can i say? i live now. haha. and i realy feel good in venting out some of my emotions here. maybe it's because not a lot of people know this web-space or maybe i have just grown a very deep relationship with this blog.

thinking of it. this has been with me since like the end of 2007. and now, with God's grace, i am to finish College. thank You Lord! even though i was not able to update this regularly, i know that somehow, it contains relevant information about what i have experienced for the past years... and for that, i am really thankful.

now, i am planning to update this more and put some pictures too! yes, words are nice but visual representations are a plus! and it is easier to remember with the pictures :D

i will really try to update this more often :D

**i suddenly feel sleepy and i ought to sleep early. i have been abusing myself in terms of sleep habits. ciao for now.

sudden gush of ideas

yes, this is the last day of the year 2010 and right now, looking at the right side of my blog, i realize how long i've been here... how long i've kept this site and made it as a friend.

2010 has been a very nice year for me and i thank God for all the good things and good people that and who have occurred into my life. 2011 is a great year as well and i am praying and hoping for the best and for God's will.

many things will happen and i am excited to open the gifts that God has in store for me.

since i have placed the title as such, i believe that i should begin the flow of these thoughts that are in my head.

--
i will blog more often.

this has always been the case. but of course, i don't always have the time to do it. or perhaps just the mere willingness to type in the things that i am thinking. first is maybe it's because i am sometimes afraid that people (if ever there are actually people still visiting this...) would judge me based on whatever i will write around here. let's admit it. or rather i admit it. i always feel the urge to blog when i feel something negative or to plainly say it, when i am sad... and since i always remember what my eee13 teacher told us before, "Why would you give other people the reason to mock you?" i don't blog. i simply let the feeling pass away because i know, sooner or later, it will fade away.

when i am happy, i am just too 'tamad' to blog that's why my entries are so incomplete. haha. lame excuse.

i've been planning to change the layout of this site but i guess i still don't have much time.

i'll get there.

i specially need to change my picture here.

--
you should not do things half-heartedly.
why?
because it's even more difficult to succeed.
and by pushing yourself to do things which you don't really like in the first place, you lose your self value. and that's not good.

--
confidence.

i have always wanted myself to be much girly. in the sense that i can wear girly clothes.
i envy girls who can walk around wearing cute dresses because i don't wear those types of clothes. i can wear them but i don't. what's the problem?

me. and my confidence level.

whoever said that even a little confidence goes a long way must be so right.

i have confidence. but i don't have that kind of confidence. yet.

let's see.

--
death.

death is sad. and seeing the people who are close to you... actual people in your life lose someone special is just heartbreaking.

may you all rest in peace.

--
God.

having the opportunity to serve God in your youth should be a very good advantage.

i am getting older and i am little by little, consuming the days of my youth.

i should serve God. now.

---------------------------------

today (December 31) is one of the busiest days in our home.
it's New Year's Eve and it's also the birthday of my Lola! :D

it has been a tradition especially before when our Lola was still living with us that we cook food and have a noisy and happy house. Parang reunion sa Mother's side. :)

--

so there, i just hope for everyone's safety,
nakakangawit yung pwesto ko habang nagbblog.

--

i am re-reading The Alchemist right now.

Good Years ahead! :)

Love,
Clarence

will re-blog soon :D

i am planning to really revitalize my blog so that i can post more inspiring thoughts and ideas. this one has been with me for so long now :)

i am just happy that i am still on the right track and able to think about good things despite the ver challenging sem that has just happened.

i have to admit that i have 2 blogs. one is this, the PUBLIC BLOG. and the other is the PRIVATE blog. it usually contains my frustrations and sad thoughts.

again, i really blog because i just like to share things and to write.
i love to voice out my thoughts and to vent them out into an outlet.
i do not particularly care whether people are indeed visiting this or not.
i am just glad that i am able to share a part of me online and be able to document the things that happen to me :)

i really think that i should update this more often and put pictures too!

i am thinking of the title,
"Inspiration and perspiration."
i think it is very timely especially because i will be having my thesis SEM this sem. THESIS IT! :D
they say that it shouldn't be called a THESIS yet because i am not an MS Student but maybe for this blog, i'll use that word anyway :D

right now, i still need to finish my ee 241 and psych 101 papers and then review for tomorrow for my ee 241 exam on monday :)

GOD BLESS everyone! :)

starting again

yes i am back and will be updating this more often.
i realized that it is good to talk to someone, and in this case, my blogger.

honestly, for the past days, i've felt quite the whole range of emotions.
a centrum of feelings, emotions, thoughts, desires gushing over me as i firmly hold my position.
i believe that my deprivation of sleep has been the main culprit for all these.

mainly, i'd like to think that i can surpass everything while staying happy and doing the right thing.

this academic year, i shall be starting my Undergraduate Student Project.
i am really praying hard for this one.

i know that God guides me in all my decisions. and i am thankful for that.

P.S.
Be armed! i shall be posting more posts now :D

welcome back Lence! :)

isn't it refreshing? :D

it has been ages since i last posted in this account. so many things have already changed and occurred but one thing is for sure, i'm now more excited for life.

recently, i just had my own share of ups and downs but i guess, i need to be back on track and do stuffs that can make me grow as a person :D

now that i am 20, i plan to be more matured, more responsible, more organized, more efficient, more relaxed and more focused and of course, more beautiful inside and out :D NAKS.

i have so many things to accomplish and i also want my relationship with God to grow more.

i guess i just have to do things and be happy.

and for once, start being optimistic :)

p.s. i love the new look of my blogger!!!!! =D

i am finally starting!! isn't that exciting?

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.” as for me, the days wherein all my thoughts and memories linger only in my mind halt for now... of course, some will be here, preserved in the webpages of history.

new beginnings always excite me. though i have to admit that at times, they give me that weird jitter, make my heart beat 10 times faster and worst, make me insomniac for a whole night... hahahha, i suddenly remember, up to now, nights before days of exams, first day of classes or big events, i usually can't sleep. haha, much for a wrong timing adrenaline rush!!!

now, i'm starting a new thing again. and honestly, honestly, i mean to keep this... as long as i could. i have thought of making this thing as an outlet of the things that flutter in my mind like buterflies dangling over honeyscented flowers, although the comparison might not be that appropriate. i know, i just know, this is where i can face myself, review my feelings over happenings or perhaps, people. this is where i can be myself, unafraid to explore my emotions and unleash them to the world that has most often judged me in a way that i have not always understood. oh well, that's it, that's their way and this is my way...

i grew up being the person who have so many things to say. i have so many things in my mind, but most often, the majority of them, i just keep to myself. but mind you, i still blurt out some weird ideas and there were moments when i am caught off guard and penalized for my wrong choice of words. hahahha, well, still i know that deep down in my heart i never really intend to hurt anyone. that's just too rude for me. oh no, i am not making an excuse, that's for real... it's just that my being "taklesa" just can't get the hang of me. hahaha, so much for this stuff.

this blog is meant to be shared but it is not meant to be shared. yah, in a different context that is! it's just that i don't like to exploit my private thoughts in a "sooper" manner. i will not define sooper, that's kinda sooper for me too., but the thing is, this is for me. hahahah, the anonymous part of me. that's pretty obvious! hahahah:))

as i write this, i don't care whether people think that i'm just a shallow fellow over here, not anymore, or not in the way i used to think when i was in high school. perhaps, there's just a turning point in your life when you begin to feel that you just can't really please everyone. haha, but of course don't be such a primadonna and piss people off! hhaahaha, that's a different story. well, at least, try to be your nicest self. :)) wink))

i'm not gonna place my identity. but i know that this is the beginning of me, knowing myself evenmore through the very same images i think of myself...in a different perspective.