Just Do It

I am not sure if I have already previously written a blogpost with the similar title.
And this statement proves some things.

First, is that my memory is failing me at this moment.
Second, is that I have been feeling a recurring sentiment for some time now...
And third, is that I haven't managed to solve or to improve the current situation.

Battling with yourself is never easy, especially when you know what you want to do yet you can't seem to do it. The reasons? All the alibis you can imagine.

I have always been telling myself to push myself to the limits, achieve whatever I can while I haven't reached my 30s yet and experience greater things that are outside of my comfort zone. Yet, then and again, I find myself typing this blog post, "complaining" on how my battle with myself seems to not go anywhere.

It is a battle of productivity... of achieving your dreams and goals... of making it bigger.
Ooops.... Now, let me stop this train of thought for a while and write something about a particular moment when I wrote the text above.

"achieving your dreams and goals..." "making it bigger"
I cringed. What do these words mean? What do I want to do? What are my dreams and goals?? Where do I want to make it big????

They say that writing your thoughts can help you think more clearly and at this moment, I just hit on a realization that my dreams and goals are not really clear to me... and maybe that is the main reason why my battle with productivity is not moving forward. I don't see an end goal.

I know I want to have my own lovely family, have kids and have a comfortable life.
Career wise? I can see myself working for something with value and impact. Maybe being a boss for a well known company or maybe even working for the government. I have some other ideas which I choose not to share here, but other than that, I have no clear picture.

What do I want in life?
I guess I need to ask this to myself again and now, do better in finding answers.

I have been stuck here in this country for almost 5 years now, and it is slowly turning into my comfort zone. I am not sure if I am really making the most out of my 20s by being here and just working. I know I can do better and do better if only I start moving.

All this time, what I was thinking is that I lack self discipline that's why I can't seem to be productive. No. What I lack is a clearer vision of what I want to do with my life and what I want to achieve... that's why I can't seem to push myself harder and give myself enough motivation to be more productive.

...And I only realized that while writing this blog post. Cringed again.

I have set some previous goals before but it seems that they were all written in water, with no concrete timeline, plans and specifics.

I guess I have to re-evaluate my dreams and goals and then just do it. Time is ticking but I can't really say that I have wasted 5 years of my life here, because with it also come some achievements and good experiences... It is time to move forward.

The past is called past for a reason, and the future brings promises with it. And first, I have to know, I have to clearly picture... What do I want for myself after all of these? What future promise do I want to claim for myself? What are my dreams? What is my ultimate goal????

Just do it does not make sense without a purpose.

I have to search mine and  picture it clearly in my head.
I have to have an idea on what can wake me up in the morning, driven with passion and enthusiasm.
I have to know where I want to go.

And maybe, just maybe, if I can do these things,
I can naturally gravitate towards the realization of my dreams.

Why 26 feels so different from 25

I just turned 26 around 16 minutes ago. And it feels so different from last year.

I am not sure why but I am somehow feeling the pressure. I only have 4 years before being 30 and it somehow makes me think if I am already doing concrete steps for me to achieve the things I want for myself.

10 years ago, around this time, I think I just received the news that I passed the entrance exam for the premiere state university in my country. I was overjoyed, thankful, blessed. There were so many possibilities and things to look forward to.

Fast forward to today, I am still thankful and blessed. Joyful, I guess so!
I can say that I am proud of what I have become in the past 10 years-of the things I have achieved, places I have been too, people I have met, things I have tried and accomplished. Who would have thought that I will brave a land where English is not really used in everyday life, and learn a completely new way of expressing myself. Who would have thought that I will be as independent as I am now when my mother used to do almost everything for me back when I was home.

Above all, I am proud of the fact that I have stayed real and true to my relationship with God, who is the Center and Source of everything. Congrats and Job well done, Lence. Thank You Lord!

I don't really feel that I changed a lot but I know I made changes for the better.
The challenge now is how will I be able to use these 4 years to achieve the remaining dreams I have.

//I want to blog more but I know I want to sleep for tomorrow.

Am I happy? Yes. and I could be happier if I start looking at the bright side of things more.
Am I satisfied? I want to do more. And I know I can do that with God's will, if I only start moving.

Time to move. Time to act. It's time to make things happen for me.

Opinions

I am not opinionated. That's what I think. I am not sure if it is a consequence of my being indecisive or if I just don't really have strong opinions as part of my unrelenting inclination to avoid conflict with others.

Well, while I am not sure if being opinionated is a good trait or not, I find myself asking why I am usually being passive about things that are happening when some people are outright involved and invested. Is it because of lack of information? Apathy? Laziness? Point is I feel I'm missing something from being overly passive and that there's more to life than just knowing the facts. Sometimes, you have to choose sides because choosing sides or choosing not to choose any, entails understanding things more deeply and thinking more critically.

I can't really clearly remember if I have always been this way. It's just that recently, I am starting to feel that I need to know more about 'the more important things'. 

When I was still in school, all I had to do was to remember the things written in textbooks or lectures given by my professors, and answer exams based on my understanding of the coverage of the lessons. Range of the topics was way limited and it was easy to focus. Now, that I am already living my life freely, away from class curriculums, I find myself overusing to the point of abusing, the freedom that I have on how to spend my time. To cut it shortly, recently, I am guilty of wandering around aimlessly, especially when it comes to current events.

I read the news. Nod once or twice. And then move on. I don't really form strong opinions or research more about the matter.

Learning entails thinking. Reading something but not thinking about it will not make it stick to your mind. Being able to form intelligent opinions is a way of improving your way of thinking. (Not to mention, it adds to your possible list of small talk topics which come in handy when talking with people you don't ever expect of talking to.)

Knowing things is superficial. Being well-informed is the one that counts.

Now, as to one of the things that I will promise myself yet again, I will try to be more involved and more well informed about the things that are happening in my surroundings. I will try my best to know the facts and the figures and decide for myself which side should I choose or if I should not choose a side at all.

Plus, I need to improve my writing skills since I truly feel that I need practice.

Thank you Blogger for giving me this chance to write my thoughts. Let's meet more often.

Now, I need to sleep and prepare for workday tomorrow.

Will try to update you about my life in the next opportunity  I get.

Quarterlife

I turned 25 last Monday. Most people consider 25 years a milestone, a place where you can celebrate for the journey you had and for being able to reach this far. 

For me, I thank God for the wonderful life He is giving me.

And of course, my family, for their unending love that nourishes me.

I originally wanted to write a well-thought-out blog about turning 25 but my delaying tendencies left me typing this at 12:19 AM. And while I promise to myself everyday that I will be sleeping earlier, I am still obviously failing. But not about blogging this time.

Maaah, so here it is. I just thought that I need to organize my thoughts and preserve my state of mind-my realizations about being 25.

Always always be grateful. Appreciate life and everything that you have. Be thankful and appreciative.

Always value the people who value you. Accept the fact that not everyone will like you... but family, friends and loved ones will be there for you. Value the people who care and don't be affected so much by people who don't. A few good friends will always be better than a lot of friends with no one who really and truly cares. Evaluate the negative comments but don't criticize yourself for being you.

Love yourself. Take care of your health. Safety first! Be health conscious. 

Always be kind no matter what. Always smile and be positive. When you can't help but be sad, admit  your emotions and then get over it.

Always set goals for yourself. And work hard to achieve those goals.

Know your self worth.

Don't bring yourself down. Practice true humility. There is nothing wrong in shining and excelling. Always do your best! Your underperformance will haunt you. Don't be shy to give your best every time.

Don't buy cheap stuff. Know how to value and spend money the right way.

Style is a must. Carry yourself well. Confidence is key!

Always talk to God.

Invest in yourself. There is nothing wrong in spending for yourself especially if it will make you happy or better. But of course, know your limits.

Always learn something new!

Voice out your opinions. Never settle for something just because you're afraid to speak out.

Whenever you feel like doing something, as long as it is not a mortal sin, do it... or the moment passes you by. But of course, practice caution!

Don't gossip. Don't judge. Always see the good in people. Remember, you don't exactly know what others are going through.

Be patient. But learn how to speak out.

Do things well.

Always reflect.

Always strive to be better!

Be beautiful inside and out!

And the list goes on and on................

I should really blog more often!

I really need to organize my thoughts and practice my writing skills.

Who knows, I might be needing it in the near future!

Wish me luck!

Love you 2015!!! :D

confidence

They say that confidence is sexy. And my problem? I have no confidence! Hahaha. But I think I am sexy. JK.

Anyway, kidding aside... I think this has been one of my personal problems ever since.
I have this bad habit of bringing myself down.. of saying bad things about myself..of not being too assertive.. about being indecisive... about not being too confident enough.

I have always told myself to improve this aspect. I know that I so blessed by God with so many things and being confident does not equate to being boastful.. it means that you are proud that you have a God who blesses you with so much.

My playing small does not do the world any good.

I have always believed that it is better to seize the moment and to have the confidence to face the world. Malaki ang nagagawa ng lakas ng loob. At kailangan kong sabihin to sa sarili ko araw araw.

Maybe this is the reason why I face this situation right now.//

I don't really know how I come across people but I guess,, I am quite sure that "confident" is not one of the adjectives that easily comes with my name...and I need to change that.

In life, you have to know what you want. and what you want to be... And you must do what it takes to achieve the state you want to be in. And before any other person can believe you, I think that it is very important to believe yourself first.

Believe you are beautiful. Believe you are worth it. Believe that you excel in what you do.
And I bet that everyday will be different. Different in a sense that you'll have more chances to see opportunities and challenges. And you know that you will be OK.

Because with your confidence comes the thinking that you are not alone and that God is with you.

This is my little project. From now on, I will try to be confident. I will try to showcase the gifts and blessings that God had endowed upon me. I will be the instrument of His grace to others. For it is only when I strongly believe that I am blessed that I can be a blessing to others too. So help me God.

When there's nothing else...

I do not know why I particularly chose to write the title above even though I know it does not make sense out of whatever emotion/s I have right now.

Yes... This is one of the moments when I feel that only blogging can make my mind clearer. One of the moments, when only writing whatever that runs in my head can make me stop and see, and perhaps clearly see what is going on.

I know I am the kind of person who always wants to choose to be happy and optimistic... but just for today, and just like all the other days when I said some other excuses... please, please allow me to wander towards the lonely side of the road, put on a sad face and somehow stop pretending that everything is...............okay, let me stop. I can't even type that.

Reality is, I can't even stay sad (or maybe TOOOO sad) for so long. Why? Because it makes me feel that I am ungrateful. To God and to everything that He is giving and bestowing upon me.

I know, recently, some things are going wrong and I feel bad about certain things. It seems that what I have hoped for in some aspects aren't really what they are and I don't know, i just feel not so joyful sometimes and I just feel that I am gonna fall into some state of depression or loneliness or whatsoever or maybe I just don't feel like I am ok or I do not know...

That was nonsense and erroneous... .And that is the exact reason why I do not want to choose to be lonely. Because in the same way that the 'sense' of the previously written run-on sentence vanished, when I deprived myself of pauses and periods, the moment I decide to give in to my rants and to my whatnots without really thinking if choosing to be lonely is that worth it, I lose my sense and often make mistakes.

I am not saying that I should not be sad or I should lie to myself about being sad. But I guess, it is enough that I acknowledge to myself that I am sad, something is not ok, and then think of ways how to get out of the situation I am in. I guess the bad thing is when I start to wallow in loneliness and lose myself in the process... and worse, lose the opportunities to get out of loneliness because I am too busy pretending to be lonely for the sake of it.

Now, why do I feel this way?

Because I feel that one aspect of my life has no growth.
What I think of as a solution?
Grow in other aspects.

Some people blame others for the bad things that happen to them or the bad situation that they are in. But I guess, everything really depends on your own choices and perspective. It all depends on how you look at the situation and whether you can see the advantage you can get in whatever situation you might face.

I guess it also depends on realizing how blessed you are and appreciating the things you have. As one instructor said, when you don't like a situation that you can't really change immediately and you have to endure it for some reason, just make a thank you list and think of all the positive things you acquire from that situation or person.

Being negative  does not help! You only make yourself suffer more.
Be pro-active. Be energetic in searching for ways on how to improve your life and yourself.

Most often, other people are so busy minding their own businesses that's why it is better to avoid thinking too much about what others would think or say. Say what you want, assert yourself especially if you believe that you don't get what you deserve. But never forget Respect.

Use your time wisely. Every second is important so don't waste it feeling blue.
Be thankful to God and realize that He puts you there for a reason.
Trust His reasons because they are always the best and someday, everything will make sense and you will realize why it became such since from the start.

Now.....I guess the title is really wrong... because there will always be something... nothingness is just nothing.

A Guide To Making Decisions

Because I badly need one to look into every now and then.

OK. So I think I just messed up. Messed up quite badly.
I am not really feeling happy..
I feel so selfish and I feel so embarrassed.
Yes, somehow I am wishing that can turn back time and maybe if I can, I would reverse my decision. I don't know. Or not.

Remorse aside, Oh, I can't set aside remorse.
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DAMN.

I know I am stressed when I eat any food I can see and the only way to stop me is brush my teeth and wear my retainers. I ate a bag of Potato chips without any guilt just because I thought I needed a break. Yes, I am feeling this stress for a week now. I know I don;t have to feel stressed but all of these emotions came from my inability to focus in decision making.

But really, all things aside, and just looking at what I really want, I made the right decision. But considering others and my situation, I feel so bad. So what is more right?

STOP COMPLAINING.
Thus part was meant to give you a guide in making decisions. SO here you go.

---
Making decisions is not always easy but no matter how hard it is, you have to decide and think that making decision is not difficult at all.

Walk your way through it. Breath, and give yourself time to think properly and to consider every other possibility you can think.

1. Define your problem. It is best if you can bring it down to 2. Either YES or NO. BLACK or WHITE. Somehow, choose your bet. Like what you will choose if you are forced to make a decision at that very moment. Take note of that.

2. Ask the opinions of your lovedones. Ask the opinions of people going for YES and people going for NO.

3. Know who is the majority. I know Peer Pressure is a sensitive issue and you don;t really want to do something just because everyone else does it but maybe there is a particular reason why everyone else is doing it. And you have to know that and to consider that. Because suffering the consequences alone is not really fun at all. compare this with your original decision.

4. RESEARCH. Verify. KNOW THE FACTS. Fearing something that might not exist at all is not cool at all. It deprives you of learning and experience. Know the TRUTH. Find FACTS BY YOURSELF. FIND things which can convince you. Find Scientific evidence.

5. PRAY FIRST BEFORE MAKING THE TABLE. PRAY FOR A CLEAR MIND AND HONEST HEART. After you have heard all the sides, STOP ASKING OTHERS. START ASKING YOURSELF. MAKE THE TABLE. You can make 4 boxes. 2 columns, 2 rows. The division is of course, PROS and CONS and the other is MIND and HEART. The Mind and Heart separation can be eliminated depending on whatever you feel but this table is so important. REMEMBER, STOP ASKING OTHER PEOPLE's OPINIONS.It is very important that you sit through the problem and give yourself ample thinking time.

5. While Listing, here are the points to consider.

-What do you really want? Somehow, there is that small percentage of you thinking about one thing. If by any chance, you can't really think of what you want, imagine yourself doing that thing or going with that particular decision. Can you see yourself with that decision?

-Consider the present and future tense effects of the decision. Do you feel nice or can you at least see yourself doing it? How do you feel? get in touch with your emotions. Face the fact. I guess it is important to face the fact that you need to make a decision and with no holds barred, just list everything.

-List the consequences. CAN YOU BEAR THE RESULTS? Which seem more bearable?

-Know yourself. Know your character and your personality and make it a basis if you think you can bear the results. As for me, I think I have a hard time when I know I hurt people. I value relationships. I also value family. I also value health. I am indecisive and I might regret a decision. But I am optimistic. And I believe I have a powerful mind, with God's grace I know I can manage. Thing is, if all these values are conflicting within the decision making itself, it's really bad. And way confusing!

-For whom are you making the decision?

-How long will the results last?

-What will you miss if you choose one over the other? Is it worth it? Can you stand missing it? Will you have one more chance to experience the same thing?

-What will be the effect on the people around you? To your family? To your workplace? To your friends? to yourself?

-Have you done or received things in the past which should affect your decision?

-If you do one thing,can you manage to avoid its consequences? or at least make yourself believe that you won't have the consequences? If then, maybe choosing that is not too bad after all?

-WHICH HAS MORE BENEFITS TO THE PRESENT AND FUTURE?

-Who are you doing it for?

-WHICH HAS SURER EFFECTS?

6. Pray. Pray so hard and entrust everything to GOD. Pray that you are making the right decision. And just in case it is not right, Pray to God to help you make it right.

7. Take the LEAP. Make the decision. And stop thinking about it. THERE YOU HAVE IT. YOU HAVE THE DECISION ALREADY. LISTEN TO NO ONE. You'll only get confused if you listen to others again or of you weigh things again. Believe that God has guided you throughout the process and that whatever happens, GOD IS GOOD and He will not forsake you. TRUST IN HIM that HE helped you in making the BEST decision and that it is what it is good for you.

8. MAKE YOUR DECISION AND NEVER LOOK BACK...because if you do, you might just retract your decision and go the exact opposite. Remember all the efforts you put through in making the decision and reward yourself by going through with it. Most often, you will just regret by changing your decision. I guess instincts also work here. Just go for that first decision and have the guts to stand by what you chose. You are a GROWN UP now and you need to make up your mind. Waste no time.

9. PRAY AGAIN. And enjoy your decision. AND STOP ASKING OTHERS' opinion! JUST GIVE YOURSELF QUIET TIME. AND RELAX.

---
Yes you did your decision. But what if results are not so good?

Well, you can not do anything but to mend it with goodness and with excellence.
If you mess up, it is natural to feel bad and to be lost. But believe that people forget bad things when good things replace them. Do your best to do good things to people and to amend for whatever mistake you have done. Say sorry and be sincere.

If they do not understand you, understand them. Just be patient. Know that you chose that decision and you have to stand by the consequences no matter what. Don;t blame yourself because you never would have known what would really happen.

STOP THE STRESS and JUST BE HAPPY. JUST BE WORRY FREE. If you keep on worrying, your attitude might be more unlikable and you might just aggravate whatever the bad effect of your decision was. So stop worrying and just out a smile on to your face. EXPLAIN YOUR SIDE ONCE and then BE OPTIMISTIC.. FORGET that there was such an issue.

LEARN FROM YOUR MISTAKE. and PROMISE YOURSELF TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME.

---
Making DECISIONS is really a very important skill and you owe it to yourself to think things through. DO NOT BE SWAYED!

If all else fail and you feel so doomed like I do now, SAY TO YOURSELF
"IT IS OK" 100 times.

Clarence,
SAY YOU ARE WELL AND ALL IS WELL WITH YOU AND GOD SHALL HEAR YOUR WORDS AND MAKE THEM TRUE.

OK?
YOU CAN DO IT.
you are a grown up already.
MAKE A CHOICE AND STAND BY IT.
and believe that YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE with the GRACE OF OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST.


AMEN.

Indecisiveness

I have always admitted that I am an indecisive person.
Here in Japan, they have a term such as 迷っている(read as MAYOTTEIRU), meaning, lost.
I do not know if that is a good thing but one thing is for sure, it takes away much of my thinking time.

Whenever I need to make a BIG decision, what I always do is to ask the people around me. And then, I pray. And then I do the LIST thing. (The LIST things is when I write two columns and I write the PROs and CONS.) This is a bit tricky because somehow, the thing that I really want wins. And when something wins, I pray again and hope I made the right decision. But then again, I talk to others again. And yes, there is that very big chance that I might be swayed again. And so, I just toss a coin. But then there's a saying that, "If you want to know what you really want, toss a coin. You'll know what your heart knows the moment just before the coin lands."

These methods always work. And what I have noticed for the past events, I always manage to make the DIFFICULT CHOICE.


I did this first when I was choosing my course for my University. I was torn between BROADCAST COMMUNICATIONS, ACCOUNTANCY AND ELECTRONICS ENGINEERING. I instantly crossed out Accountancy because I know that I only included that because people were saying that it you pass that in the entrance exam of the university, you must be really good. But that reason was so pointless. All my high school life, all the activities I did leaned to Broadcasting. I was so active in joining speech contests inside and outside school. I was part of the school paper and I was President of the Student Council. I was a Media Personality, at least in our school. Also, I remember that when I was a kid, I wanted to become a newscaster. (I also wanted to become a scientist back then... because the word scientist was cool when you were a first grader.) In summary, I was fitted to be in the BROADCASTING field. But obviously, I chose ECE.

Back then, I think my father has influenced my decision. But I guess the main reason was that because I wanted to have a family. And truth be told, I did not want to be so famous or to be a celebrity. If I become a newscaster, I might be so famous that I might not be able to live a normal life. This reason was so silly it seems like a joke but actually, I considered this. HAHAHA. But I think the primary reason was that I wanted to challenge myself. And Yes, ECE challenged me. It was a hard course but I managed to survive and until now, I still think that it was the right choice.

I always choose the hard choice.
I always choose the one which my heart wants.
I went to Japan because I followed my heart even though my mind was saying that there were so many risks.

Now, I need to make a decision again. A major decision that can affect my life here. I listened to my heart and it says NO. But when I analyze the situation, sometimes, I wish my heart just says YES.

But the thing is, should you make a decision just because you are afraid of the possible consequences that other people might bestow on you if you don't follow the majority? is doing a good thing really good when you're doing it out of fear and not out of your own willingness?

I recently heard that PARANOIA CAN SAVE LIVES.
If that is so, I wish I can be saved.

I really feel so restless these past few days because of this thing that occupies my mind. I am just praying to God so hard this decision I made is for the best and can not in any way affect anything. I am praying so hard that I can surpass whatever effects this may lead to. I pray so hard that God always lead me to the right and safe path.

Being indecisive is not really a good trait most of the time. And I guess that is one thing I really have to work hard to improve.

current realizations :D

Yes I know I have been out of this space for the longest time since I decided to become active here again. Nah, I was about to say "I have a very good excuse" but then I suddenly remembered the main reason why I opened this page again.

It is to state this crucial statement in my life right now.
"STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND DO YOUR BEST INSTEAD."

Conditions/factors may not always be ideal but it doesn't mean that IDEAL results are not possible.

Strive harder. Cliche.
Work harder. Cliche.
Be the best you can be and make the most out of what you have. Not so cliche.
IF YOU REALLY WANT SOMETHING, THE UNIVERSE WILL CONSPIRE WITH YOU TO ACHIEVE IT AND MAKE IT HAPPEN. (The Alchemist)

Maybe I am writing this to inspire myself. To give myself a push. To make me realize that Yes, I may be tired most of the time, but no one truly succeeded without ever perspiring. Yes, it may be difficult but I know it would be worth it in the end.

Today is the only time for me to do these things. Let me do my best so that when I look back, I wouldn't have regrets in the end.

GOD BLESSes me.
and it His for His greater glory that I am doing what I am doing.

i am grateful

for so many things that are happening in my life right now, the least thing that i should do is to sulk in a corner and feel that things aren't going my way.

yes there are lots of things to complain about.
("the weather is too hot." tops the list.)
but there are also so many things that can make me smile if only i will allow them too.

consider life as a blessing and indeed, it will be a blessing. smile and goodness from all around will flow to you a hundredfold. proclaim life as a gift and everything will be easier. put God in your heart and happiness is just around the corner.

Thank You Lord. <3 happy :) think happy :)

rundown of events

Hello there my dear blogger! :)

Today marks the concert of International Superstar Justin Bieber in the Philippines. Okay, that is a lame start. Haha. I am watching the News right now and almost every channel on tv talks about this event. Well, I have nothing against J.B. I think I even like some of his songs and I think he's really talented. Moving on....

Recently, I have been very vigilant in watching news shows. It's because somehow, in the back of my mind, I always look for that something... for a news on THAT particular place.. yet on the other hand, I also wish that no big news really come out from there, since most often, news only contain negative reports or happenings.

Okay let's get to the point.

For the past months, news about JAPAN have been circulating in the internet and it is not difficult at all to search for the latest events and happenings there. After the tsunami and the nuclear problem, Japan has always been in the limelight of international media. The thing is every time I search for the latest news there, my heart jumps and somehow I feel nervous.

Just a few weeks before the earthquake, I was in Japan. And I got the job offer that I have dreamed of getting for almost the duration of my college life. I saw how beautiful the country is and how disciplined the people there are. I can not say even a single thing that I did not like about the country. Well, I only stayed for about 5 days... The people were nice and friendly. There were so many nice places to see. The country is very clean. Everything is nice. The environment is teeming with culture, science and spice. It's a breath of fresh air to stay in such a wonderful place even for just a few days.

This is why it hurts me to see how the event of March 11 has devastated such a very good country, making me think that everything is still not placed in the hands of men. Moreover, the earthquake that occurred has not only shattered buildings and homes in the Tohoku region. About more than a hundred miles away, a hoping heart's dreams were shaken too.

Yes, people in Japan were grieving and at the same time, I was grieving too for the dreams that I have somehow imagined myself of having once I return to Japan land to fulfill the work that I have gotten. I thank the Lord for having presented to me such a good opportunity which will allow me to help my family and to garner good experiences which can help me grow as an individual. But with the earthquake and the nuclear problem, I am now placed in a situation wherein what I want is possibly in conflict with the reality.

I am now in a state of confusion. Of whether I should still go or not for what I originally have planned. I ask God about what He wants and I know that He will give me an answer. I know that fear should not reign in one's heart but we all know that prevention is better than cure. I have other options here and I believe that they are also good granted that I will do my best in everything I do. But what do I really want? Should I let an opportunity of a lifetime just pass?

It's a long road ahead. And only God knows the future. The steps that we take today will determine what will happen in the future and I know that I must pray hard and do my best wherever God wants me to be. To God be the glory, forever and always.

sudden gush of ideas

yes, this is the last day of the year 2010 and right now, looking at the right side of my blog, i realize how long i've been here... how long i've kept this site and made it as a friend.

2010 has been a very nice year for me and i thank God for all the good things and good people that and who have occurred into my life. 2011 is a great year as well and i am praying and hoping for the best and for God's will.

many things will happen and i am excited to open the gifts that God has in store for me.

since i have placed the title as such, i believe that i should begin the flow of these thoughts that are in my head.

--
i will blog more often.

this has always been the case. but of course, i don't always have the time to do it. or perhaps just the mere willingness to type in the things that i am thinking. first is maybe it's because i am sometimes afraid that people (if ever there are actually people still visiting this...) would judge me based on whatever i will write around here. let's admit it. or rather i admit it. i always feel the urge to blog when i feel something negative or to plainly say it, when i am sad... and since i always remember what my eee13 teacher told us before, "Why would you give other people the reason to mock you?" i don't blog. i simply let the feeling pass away because i know, sooner or later, it will fade away.

when i am happy, i am just too 'tamad' to blog that's why my entries are so incomplete. haha. lame excuse.

i've been planning to change the layout of this site but i guess i still don't have much time.

i'll get there.

i specially need to change my picture here.

--
you should not do things half-heartedly.
why?
because it's even more difficult to succeed.
and by pushing yourself to do things which you don't really like in the first place, you lose your self value. and that's not good.

--
confidence.

i have always wanted myself to be much girly. in the sense that i can wear girly clothes.
i envy girls who can walk around wearing cute dresses because i don't wear those types of clothes. i can wear them but i don't. what's the problem?

me. and my confidence level.

whoever said that even a little confidence goes a long way must be so right.

i have confidence. but i don't have that kind of confidence. yet.

let's see.

--
death.

death is sad. and seeing the people who are close to you... actual people in your life lose someone special is just heartbreaking.

may you all rest in peace.

--
God.

having the opportunity to serve God in your youth should be a very good advantage.

i am getting older and i am little by little, consuming the days of my youth.

i should serve God. now.

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today (December 31) is one of the busiest days in our home.
it's New Year's Eve and it's also the birthday of my Lola! :D

it has been a tradition especially before when our Lola was still living with us that we cook food and have a noisy and happy house. Parang reunion sa Mother's side. :)

--

so there, i just hope for everyone's safety,
nakakangawit yung pwesto ko habang nagbblog.

--

i am re-reading The Alchemist right now.

Good Years ahead! :)

Love,
Clarence

one by one

being a student entails the skill to prioritize.
what matters and what doesn't.
what needs immediate attention and what can wait.
what needs to be done and what needs to be ignored.
what is important and what is essentially immaterial.

though one's personal preferences get in the way in deciding these matters, there are some things which can be considered universal in the sense that they have their exact place. however, the sad truth is that even though one knows the exact importance that something has, one can sometimes still not manage to prioritize that thing.

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the entry above is like a senseless flow of thoughts.

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anyway, just to blog about things....

right now, i really need to FOCUS and do the things that i MUST do.
we are practically running late on our thesis schedule and i believe that it not tolerable.
we must graduate on time and our thesis, right now, is the key element to GRADUATION on APRIL 2011.

on my part, i believe that I am doing things to fulfill my GANTT Chart.. but i have to admit that i get distracted too easily... and it is not right. I MUST do what it takes to finish my tasks on time.


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on the other side of life, I am now arriving at the point where i have to decide what i really want to do after graduation. JOB offers are coming. LOL. that is just to exaggerate. but JOB OPPORTUNITIES are coming and i am letting them slip off.

my primary predicament here is that I need to take the board Exams first in order to be a licensed ECE... and from my graduation date, (I am claiming this Oh Lord), whic is on April 24, 2010, i have 7 months to go before the board exams.... will i work right after graduation or will i focus on my review??

P&G has started getting their applicants and sad to say, I missed the chance to join their exclusive IDS Day just because I chose to attend my ECE 198 class. I am aware that it was not really a good choice.. but i don't know. Right now, I am still unsure about my future.

Grad School is always there of course. I have to admit that sometimes, i want to prove myself that ECE is really for me and that i love and want it so much. actually, sometimes, i do.... or perhaps i really do. the idea of grad school just tires me but i want to....

GMA Scholarship is also in the way. I have this contract with them and sometimes, i get the feeling that i can not really choose a job for myself because they can rip my choice away for me... i do not know. I do not also know if i really want to work in the telecommunications field even though i remember that when i was younger, i have wanted my name to be seen in the closing credits of a particular station.


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CHOICES. DESIRES. NEEDS. CHOICES.

i must choose what i want or perhaps what God wants for me.
but sometimes, i begin to ask God what He really wants for me.

yes, He speaks through signs and through nature and through circumstances. and i have to be keen in observing... maybe i just have to tune in in His frequency. (Bad joke for an ECE, haha)

anyway, right now, the thing that i have to do is to finish my weekly task for my GANTT Chart.
and as my title says, ONE BY ONE. one step at a time.

today, i do this..
tomorrow, i do that.

I just hope that God guides me in every way. I know He is.. :)

a new beginning! :D

so many things happened for the past weeks.
yes i know that i said that i would fix my site but my laptop crashed for some reason and my sembreak became what i have not planned. well i know that i did not really make 'plans' but i guess, i just did random stuff...


i guessi just have to make a random listing
my grandfather died.
the sem was over.

congrats to me, i am still a YuSung Scholar! :D i am really thankful to God because He gives me opportunities to help my parents in any way. well, i did not make it to the US list because i fell short of some points. i really got quite disappointed but i guess i have to move on and just do good this sem.... let go and let God, right. it just feels nice knowing that somehow, i still manage to excel in what i am doing. wala lang. sometimes i think that i am good with what i am doing but i am not really passionate about it...but then again, i know that these kind of thoughts only come out when i am stressed or when things don't go the way i would have wanted them to be so i really try to eliminate them. ELIMINATE!

this semester that is about to come is all about our THESIS! THESIS it!!!
we need to make LARGE amounts of progress and do our BEST since this shall dictate they date of our graduation. and really rely like to graduate on time. i pray to God that HE guides me and my groupmates in everything that we do so that we can do the right things :D i know HE WILL and HE is. :D

right now, i just have to fix my life in a very orderly manner and live it in a way that is proper. there are so many things to arrange and be happy for. i just have to look beyond the imperfections and i know, i am living a really nice life. i thank God for everything and sometimes, when i feel sad, i feel that i am becoming ungrateful.

yes, it can be equated. no it can't be. because i know that God understands me.

being sad is totally not equal to being ungrateful... right?

whenever my hormones kick in and make me feel some things that are not welcomed, i think it;s better to quote Barney Stinson! hahaha.
BE AWESOME instead! :D

later, i am going to give this blog some new look, well, not entirely new. but i guess some things new :D

thank you and i miss blogging here.

love,
engineer clarence. :)

that is just so sweet. :)

on about being responsible...

today, i am re-publishing my BLOGSPOT Account.

this one has been with me since way way back and i am really happy that when i re-read my older posts, i am somehow reminded of my experiences before.

looking back, i can say that a a lot has changed. and a lot is different.

there were some things that i am proud of and there were those that i am not but the bottom line is that i learned and that i now know better.

right now,there are so many things that i want to achieve. i really want to be a better person and be able to do more.--to do the stuff that i dream of doing and to become that person that i picture myself to be.

well, everyday is a little step... and i know that even though right now, there are pressing matters that i need to prioritize, i should not really lose myself and my goals in the process.

i am always praying that i can have a good future but then again, as cliche as it sounds, the future still depends on the present. and as optimistic as it may sound, the future is molded by my present and so i must invest in my today.

sometimes, i really think that i can write those self-help or inspiration books. haha. dreaming big ha? wala lang.... it just seems that sometimes, my thoughts are leaning on the borderline of corny and too-much-inspiration.

anyway, right now, i have to finish all of may tasks so that i can have more sleep later :p hahaha. Lord, ikaw na po bahala sa akin :)

grow up and move on

okay :)
hm, today was quite a happy day.
i got Theater 12 as GE :P

wala lang.

hm, recently napakagastos ko.
nagfroyo kami kanina.
wth. 194 yung froyo ko. ayaw ko na dun. mas sulit pa yung crepe.
bibili na lang ako ng yoghurt sa supermarket.

hm, tas nagcrepe din ako lately.
tsaka masarap na ice cream. hehe. :D

hm, grow up and move on.

stay away from things that make you sad.

i thank God.
He has been with me in my decision to be a happy person.
a happy person that cares for others.
a happy person who is happy with the happiness of others :)

thank you Lord. :)

miss you like crazy

blog's title due to my LSS. haha. it's better to be clear ya know.

hm, a thought occurred to me.
"it's better to wait and find that everything was worth the wait than to delight in the moment and find out later on that nothing was really ever worth it."

wala lang. hahhaah.

anyway, nasira yung mood ko for blogging dahil dun sa napanood kong bata sa Pilipinas Got Talent! so cute nung bata and so galing :D hehe.

i promised myself that i'll become a better person, yung mas magaling na person na maraming nagagawa. i think i need to stick to that :D that means i need to cut less of my chat moments and social networking site moments :P

hm, gusto ko magkaron ng eat all you can moment sa isang sosyal na hotel! kaso ang mahal eh. mga 1500 plus. hahaha :)) hm, sa case ko, totoo bang "the way to my heart is through my stomach?" hm, ako, hindi ako naniniwala dun... hahahah. :P pero pwede rin. hahahah. pero paranoid ako. so ayaw ko ng binibigyan ako ng food na inabot lang sakin tas di ko nakita san galing. hahaha paranoid ako na baka may something dun :P ahah. LOL.

anyway, kelangan ko na gumawa ng labrep :P

if seeing is believing, it’s worth the wait
so hold on and tell me it’s not too late
we’re so good together

hm, i want to be happy. but i don't want a happiness that has a consequence. who wants that right? so i'll stay put... and just be a good student and person, for now.

p.s. currently loving silent sanctuary. ahah, though wala pa akong copy nung album nila na Mistaken for Granted :P

3D

i attended a seminar kanina. sa Arise yun. well dapat kasama ako sa organizers pero naging audience na lang ajo and signep up for ERG :)

hm, maganda yung sinabi ng speaker.
busy ako tonight pero magsusulat pa rin ako para di ko makaligtan :P

3Ds:
Destiny
Discipline
Demonstration

Destiny without discipline is just vanity.
Discipline without destiny is legalism.
Discipline without demonstration leads to frustration.


ayang 3 lang yung nakapakinig ako eh. may kulang siguro na isa! ahaha :)

hmn, wala lang.

minsan naiisip ko na gusto ko talaga maging newscaster.
pero hindi. hah ako ay magiging isang engineer at gusto ko rin to :)
kasi gusto ko machallenge.

siguro dapat na ako magkaron ng mas malaking tiwala sa sarili ko, na kaya ko naman. :)

sabi dun, dapat naglalaan ka ng oras para sa destiny mo.
ops, di to lovelife promise :P
kaya nagsimula na ako maglagay ng mga bookmarks sa firefox window ko na related sa electronics.

dati ko pa gusto maging geek. kaya rin ako sumali sa irc. haahaha.
LOL.

i need to work for my dream. and i need to fix my life. :)

Lord, thank you for placing my life in order. <3

magfriday nanaman. ay CLS nanaman :D

detour

okay so i did not touch my blogger for a few days.
i got myself doing some random stuffs like watching different series like prisonbreak (gosh, i adore Michael Scofields! he's hot :P), boys over flowers (i like Jun Pyo and Yi Jeong :P) and Gossip Girl (i'm still on season one though! uulitin ko siya kasi nahinto ako dti eh di ko natapos)..

anyway.
i was originaly planning to transfer my files in my laptop here in the pc because i need my laptop to be reformatted ASAP. but i read something and prompted me to blog.

and this is where my actual blog begins.

funnyhow. (i like this word even before).
funnyhow as kids, we run and play and then get caught with our own legs and fall... we cry, we wail, we scream like we own the place. we shed tears. and then mommy or daddy is there, ready to back us off. yeah, nothing new. i just saw my neighbor and his litle girl. same touching scene.

daddy is so proud that her girl is finally having her first steps on her own. child giggles, smiles, shouts daddy!! and runs towards her papa.... then suddenly, she trips and the next thing i knew, the previously happy scene turned out to be a sad one... with daddy's face, full of remorse that he allowed her daughter to walk that long on her own.... if only he has rescued her earlier, then his girl would not have acquired her bruises.

recently, i got a text message saying "be careful in beginning something that you might regret later on...." yeah it's nice.

but it's one of those quotations that get you into thinking after being mesmerized with the resonance of the words.

really, how can you know that you will regret a thing later on?

most people might claim that if one does not use his/her mind to think things through, his/her actions are most probably done on an impulsive nature--something that was a product of misjudgement or wrong thoughts of the moment. and so, there's a large chance that he/she will regret his/her decision. thing is, we don't always have lots of time to think.

spontaneity.
isn't it that this thing up here most often causes the bliss that human beings experience from their hormones when something exciting happens? or well, if point is not taken well, why do they always say that if you always use your head then you will not be happy... because most often, your mind is telling you things that are opposed to what your heart is vying for. yes, hearts don't think and speak but they feel. how many times have a human being succumbed to his/her emotions than his/or her rational side...? right. i'm not talking about the situation wherein you certainly know that you're breaking the Law yet you find comfort in it and so you continue doing it. anyway.... thing is, according to Rousseau, "Man is not a thinking machine. we are an emotional being--full of passion, desires." and sometimes, these things get the better of us and we commit things, place ourselves in a different path that can sometimes lead us to failing or in a child's case, tripping and having bruises. man, we don't always know what will be the outcome of our actions and we have no glimpse of whether the things that we have just started will turn out to be something that we'll regret later on! just as i did not plan this blog to become like this right.

sometimes, we are just in that particular moment. and we feel that it's the right time. we trust our instincts. we feel fine. we feel happy. we experience a momentary taste of heaven-like contentment because our emotions are fed up. but what if at the end of the day,, you see yourself looking back and seeing yourself do the thing that you have just done and to your dismay, you don't enjoy watching the scene that you are seeing. okay, too many words. in short, what if you are regretting. yet for all you know, you can't turn your back on it now. right?

michael scofield did not answer the call of his brother because he was with this lawyer, in her pad. turned out, his brother sought the refuge of the people who would condemn him into prison and death. michael entered prison to rescue his brother but his plan is deteriorating. he and his borther will be caught up there, even for a longer time.

one really never knows.

but maybe, just maybe, that's the reason why there are such words as detour, catharsis, change, betterment... because people have a chance.
your past does not define your future.
it all depends on what course of actions you'll take next.
and you have to be firm in doing the right things.
you have to stand your ground and make sure that your defenses aren't broken.
you have to maintain your ideals.
because for all you know,
some detours are not always available and some consequences are too hard to handle.
we just have to remember that our Father is always ready to catch us and take care of us. we just need to realize that we don't really need to reach the ground before seeking His safe sanctuary.