My blog is gradually becoming my rant blog. Sorry for that. On the other hand, I am thinking, why would I blog of things that will make me appear as an unhappy person, right? But isn't it that blogs are meant to showcase one's life's reflections? And therefore, to mirror the truth? What if, just what if, right now I just don't feel like blogging "happily"? I have the right, right?
Right now (Yes, that's the 5th time I said 'right'. Ops, 6th), humor aside, I feel tired. I feel sad but not so much. Maybe I just lack sleep that's why I feel stressed. But definitely, I have a lurking feeling inside that does not belong to the Positive Side. (That, I am not ashamed to admit.) Maybe I am panicking inside. YES. I am panicking inside. Right now I am thinking what I have made out of my God given life and how I changed from the person I was to the person I am right now. But I always know who I want to be. And I am struggling to be that person. I still want to do a lot of things. The feeling of being constrained is somehow making me feel inadequate. I am so dependent on the people around me, at least for now. And I feel weird. Just weird. And sleepy.
Maybe this is the effect of my being so busy. I have so many things to do but right now, I am not able to use my time wisely. I am optimistic. It's just that somehow, the feeling of being sad makes me aware that I still need to live my life to its full essence. Life is not equivalent to fulfilling your responsibilities or carrying the problems of the world in your shoulders. Life means happiness too, and yes, understanding of what and where happiness is.
I love my blog. It instantly makes me feel better.
I am in control but God is in control of me.
Everything will settle and will be fine. I am optimistic. Oh, scrap that. I am sure.
at the middle
Hi there blogger. It's been a long time sine I told you about what's happening in my life. Something major I don't want you to miss, I had dengue.
I never thought that it can happen to me but it did. And it was surreal. I had rashes all over my body but I am so thankful to God that I came out of it alive. Thanks Lord! :D
As the title says, I am right now in the middle. AGAIN.
I am in the middle of deciding whether to go and chase Japan again or just to stay here and work here instead. Heck, I only have until tomorrow to decide.
Both companies are really good. That is why I am having a hard time.
I know that right now, staying would be a much safer option but what do I know? I have been undergoing an intensive Japanese Language training since June and giving up would mean that somehow, all those efforts were futile after all. Yet, I can't discount the fact that I learned a new language after all. Who knows if I can use that in the future?
Nihongo is hard. Actually, it is one of the major reasons why I am really thinking twice about going to Japan. If I go, I need to pay about a Million Yen if I want to go home before the contract ends. Now, what will I do about Radiation stuff too? I don't know. I am torn about this stuff too. Different websites tell different things and the truth, TEPCO only knows. I am scared. But my friends in Japan are fine and they say that Tokyo is fine. Now, should I really still be bothered?
My offer here is the best offer I can receive here so far. Salary is SOOOO good that it can be compared to what I can get in Japan. It is also an international company with so many good benefits but some are saying that the work will be somehow stressful. Still, I have dreamt of working for this company before my Japan option became available.
My biggest regret really is that this local company gave me the offer just two weeks ago. And while I asked for an extension to finally finally decide and they have given it to me, I am still having a big dilemma.
If I stay here, will I ever regret that I did not take the challenge? Will I settle here and be here forever? Will I feel sad when the time comes that I open my Facebook and I see my supposed to be Batchmates in Japan post some pictures of their travels? What? Will I be happy here when prior to the Tohoku Earthquake, I have built my dreams in Japan? Nah.
If I choose Japan, will there be a guarantee that I will not experience large earthquakes or the adverse effect of breathing/eating contaminated air/food? Yet, is there really something I should worry about? Will I survive with Nihongo? Will I be happy even when I am away from my family? Will I really be fulfilled and will I really get the growth there? Well, the last two questions can also apply to the first option.
THIS IS THE MOST DIFFICULT STAGE OF MY LIFE.
I can go there or here and I know that I just have to take the leap.
I thank God that I have good options. and I thank God that He allows me to choose.
I have asked for a million signs already. But I know that in the end, God wants me to decide. To stand for what I believe in and do what I think is appropriate.
I know that I should not really worry about making the right decision. I just have to make whatever I will choose right. But with Japan, somehow, there are so many things I can't control. So am I saying that I should stay here instead? If I stay, I need to pay a lot of things. Nah.
This is so confusing. God, please enlighten me. AMEN.
I never thought that it can happen to me but it did. And it was surreal. I had rashes all over my body but I am so thankful to God that I came out of it alive. Thanks Lord! :D
As the title says, I am right now in the middle. AGAIN.
I am in the middle of deciding whether to go and chase Japan again or just to stay here and work here instead. Heck, I only have until tomorrow to decide.
Both companies are really good. That is why I am having a hard time.
I know that right now, staying would be a much safer option but what do I know? I have been undergoing an intensive Japanese Language training since June and giving up would mean that somehow, all those efforts were futile after all. Yet, I can't discount the fact that I learned a new language after all. Who knows if I can use that in the future?
Nihongo is hard. Actually, it is one of the major reasons why I am really thinking twice about going to Japan. If I go, I need to pay about a Million Yen if I want to go home before the contract ends. Now, what will I do about Radiation stuff too? I don't know. I am torn about this stuff too. Different websites tell different things and the truth, TEPCO only knows. I am scared. But my friends in Japan are fine and they say that Tokyo is fine. Now, should I really still be bothered?
My offer here is the best offer I can receive here so far. Salary is SOOOO good that it can be compared to what I can get in Japan. It is also an international company with so many good benefits but some are saying that the work will be somehow stressful. Still, I have dreamt of working for this company before my Japan option became available.
My biggest regret really is that this local company gave me the offer just two weeks ago. And while I asked for an extension to finally finally decide and they have given it to me, I am still having a big dilemma.
If I stay here, will I ever regret that I did not take the challenge? Will I settle here and be here forever? Will I feel sad when the time comes that I open my Facebook and I see my supposed to be Batchmates in Japan post some pictures of their travels? What? Will I be happy here when prior to the Tohoku Earthquake, I have built my dreams in Japan? Nah.
If I choose Japan, will there be a guarantee that I will not experience large earthquakes or the adverse effect of breathing/eating contaminated air/food? Yet, is there really something I should worry about? Will I survive with Nihongo? Will I be happy even when I am away from my family? Will I really be fulfilled and will I really get the growth there? Well, the last two questions can also apply to the first option.
THIS IS THE MOST DIFFICULT STAGE OF MY LIFE.
I can go there or here and I know that I just have to take the leap.
I thank God that I have good options. and I thank God that He allows me to choose.
I have asked for a million signs already. But I know that in the end, God wants me to decide. To stand for what I believe in and do what I think is appropriate.
I know that I should not really worry about making the right decision. I just have to make whatever I will choose right. But with Japan, somehow, there are so many things I can't control. So am I saying that I should stay here instead? If I stay, I need to pay a lot of things. Nah.
This is so confusing. God, please enlighten me. AMEN.
current realizations :D
Yes I know I have been out of this space for the longest time since I decided to become active here again. Nah, I was about to say "I have a very good excuse" but then I suddenly remembered the main reason why I opened this page again.
It is to state this crucial statement in my life right now.
"STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND DO YOUR BEST INSTEAD."
Conditions/factors may not always be ideal but it doesn't mean that IDEAL results are not possible.
Strive harder. Cliche.
Work harder. Cliche.
Be the best you can be and make the most out of what you have. Not so cliche.
IF YOU REALLY WANT SOMETHING, THE UNIVERSE WILL CONSPIRE WITH YOU TO ACHIEVE IT AND MAKE IT HAPPEN. (The Alchemist)
Maybe I am writing this to inspire myself. To give myself a push. To make me realize that Yes, I may be tired most of the time, but no one truly succeeded without ever perspiring. Yes, it may be difficult but I know it would be worth it in the end.
Today is the only time for me to do these things. Let me do my best so that when I look back, I wouldn't have regrets in the end.
GOD BLESSes me.
and it His for His greater glory that I am doing what I am doing.
It is to state this crucial statement in my life right now.
"STOP MAKING EXCUSES AND DO YOUR BEST INSTEAD."
Conditions/factors may not always be ideal but it doesn't mean that IDEAL results are not possible.
Strive harder. Cliche.
Work harder. Cliche.
Be the best you can be and make the most out of what you have. Not so cliche.
IF YOU REALLY WANT SOMETHING, THE UNIVERSE WILL CONSPIRE WITH YOU TO ACHIEVE IT AND MAKE IT HAPPEN. (The Alchemist)
Maybe I am writing this to inspire myself. To give myself a push. To make me realize that Yes, I may be tired most of the time, but no one truly succeeded without ever perspiring. Yes, it may be difficult but I know it would be worth it in the end.
Today is the only time for me to do these things. Let me do my best so that when I look back, I wouldn't have regrets in the end.
GOD BLESSes me.
and it His for His greater glory that I am doing what I am doing.
pissed off but trying not to
The title speaks for what I feel as of this moment. I am really troubled by what's happening. I don't know. I just want to do a lot of things and grow in a lot of ways. It's just that recently, I feel so stagnant.
I have always wanted a lot for myself. I have always dreamed BIG... and it sulks to feel that I don't feel like I am expanding in any sort other than my weight.
I WANT TO BREAK FREE.
Free from all expectations, free from every thing that inhibits me from becoming the person that I want to be or the person that I envision myself to be. Well, I don't exactly know what God wants me to be as of the moment but I know that He wants me to be a good person... and by being 'this' kind of a person right now in this very moment does not really speak well of how I am doing in terms of being what God wants me to be. But I know, right now, I need to feel this... because complacency is never good. Settling for something when you could have achieved more will not always be a best resort.
I don't exactly know why I am feeling 'this' way again. I am sad inside and it just seems that I have been setting a lot of goals but I am not materializing concrete steps. The most frustrating thing is that I am not only talking about the long term goals, but more of a day to day basis. Maybe I am indeed panicking inside. Maybe I am indeed in a chaotic situation wherein I am still standing on unsafe grounds. I don't know. I am just plain confused.
While they say that Happiness is a choice, sometimes I just can't avoid being true to myself. And while I suffer the consequences of being sad and terrible, at least I am becoming honest and I am informed that something IS wrong. Yes, it is hard to feel happy when you are really feeling sad, but maybe sometimes, feeling what you truly feel is even harder and to some lengths, more admirable, because in a sense, you face the truth and try to make light of whatever darkness is present.
I always know that GOD has a plan. And it will never hurt to trust HIM. Feeling all these anxieties may sometimes be too much but I know that in the long run, being honest would be healthier. In the end, the nest option still to surrender everything to the Almighty.
"Lord God, right now, I am really feeling sad. I know that You are arranging the best things for me. And I am sorry for feeling this way. I lift up all my fears to You. To You be the glory. Thank you for everything. And thank You for loving me."
The Lord is good and kind. He provides. And He will forever be with me.
I have always wanted a lot for myself. I have always dreamed BIG... and it sulks to feel that I don't feel like I am expanding in any sort other than my weight.
I WANT TO BREAK FREE.
Free from all expectations, free from every thing that inhibits me from becoming the person that I want to be or the person that I envision myself to be. Well, I don't exactly know what God wants me to be as of the moment but I know that He wants me to be a good person... and by being 'this' kind of a person right now in this very moment does not really speak well of how I am doing in terms of being what God wants me to be. But I know, right now, I need to feel this... because complacency is never good. Settling for something when you could have achieved more will not always be a best resort.
I don't exactly know why I am feeling 'this' way again. I am sad inside and it just seems that I have been setting a lot of goals but I am not materializing concrete steps. The most frustrating thing is that I am not only talking about the long term goals, but more of a day to day basis. Maybe I am indeed panicking inside. Maybe I am indeed in a chaotic situation wherein I am still standing on unsafe grounds. I don't know. I am just plain confused.
While they say that Happiness is a choice, sometimes I just can't avoid being true to myself. And while I suffer the consequences of being sad and terrible, at least I am becoming honest and I am informed that something IS wrong. Yes, it is hard to feel happy when you are really feeling sad, but maybe sometimes, feeling what you truly feel is even harder and to some lengths, more admirable, because in a sense, you face the truth and try to make light of whatever darkness is present.
I always know that GOD has a plan. And it will never hurt to trust HIM. Feeling all these anxieties may sometimes be too much but I know that in the long run, being honest would be healthier. In the end, the nest option still to surrender everything to the Almighty.
"Lord God, right now, I am really feeling sad. I know that You are arranging the best things for me. And I am sorry for feeling this way. I lift up all my fears to You. To You be the glory. Thank you for everything. And thank You for loving me."
The Lord is good and kind. He provides. And He will forever be with me.
i am grateful
for so many things that are happening in my life right now, the least thing that i should do is to sulk in a corner and feel that things aren't going my way.
yes there are lots of things to complain about.
("the weather is too hot." tops the list.)
but there are also so many things that can make me smile if only i will allow them too.
consider life as a blessing and indeed, it will be a blessing. smile and goodness from all around will flow to you a hundredfold. proclaim life as a gift and everything will be easier. put God in your heart and happiness is just around the corner.
Thank You Lord. <3 happy :) think happy :)
yes there are lots of things to complain about.
("the weather is too hot." tops the list.)
but there are also so many things that can make me smile if only i will allow them too.
consider life as a blessing and indeed, it will be a blessing. smile and goodness from all around will flow to you a hundredfold. proclaim life as a gift and everything will be easier. put God in your heart and happiness is just around the corner.
Thank You Lord. <3 happy :) think happy :)
rundown of events
Hello there my dear blogger! :)
Today marks the concert of International Superstar Justin Bieber in the Philippines. Okay, that is a lame start. Haha. I am watching the News right now and almost every channel on tv talks about this event. Well, I have nothing against J.B. I think I even like some of his songs and I think he's really talented. Moving on....
Recently, I have been very vigilant in watching news shows. It's because somehow, in the back of my mind, I always look for that something... for a news on THAT particular place.. yet on the other hand, I also wish that no big news really come out from there, since most often, news only contain negative reports or happenings.
Okay let's get to the point.
For the past months, news about JAPAN have been circulating in the internet and it is not difficult at all to search for the latest events and happenings there. After the tsunami and the nuclear problem, Japan has always been in the limelight of international media. The thing is every time I search for the latest news there, my heart jumps and somehow I feel nervous.
Just a few weeks before the earthquake, I was in Japan. And I got the job offer that I have dreamed of getting for almost the duration of my college life. I saw how beautiful the country is and how disciplined the people there are. I can not say even a single thing that I did not like about the country. Well, I only stayed for about 5 days... The people were nice and friendly. There were so many nice places to see. The country is very clean. Everything is nice. The environment is teeming with culture, science and spice. It's a breath of fresh air to stay in such a wonderful place even for just a few days.
This is why it hurts me to see how the event of March 11 has devastated such a very good country, making me think that everything is still not placed in the hands of men. Moreover, the earthquake that occurred has not only shattered buildings and homes in the Tohoku region. About more than a hundred miles away, a hoping heart's dreams were shaken too.
Yes, people in Japan were grieving and at the same time, I was grieving too for the dreams that I have somehow imagined myself of having once I return to Japan land to fulfill the work that I have gotten. I thank the Lord for having presented to me such a good opportunity which will allow me to help my family and to garner good experiences which can help me grow as an individual. But with the earthquake and the nuclear problem, I am now placed in a situation wherein what I want is possibly in conflict with the reality.
I am now in a state of confusion. Of whether I should still go or not for what I originally have planned. I ask God about what He wants and I know that He will give me an answer. I know that fear should not reign in one's heart but we all know that prevention is better than cure. I have other options here and I believe that they are also good granted that I will do my best in everything I do. But what do I really want? Should I let an opportunity of a lifetime just pass?
It's a long road ahead. And only God knows the future. The steps that we take today will determine what will happen in the future and I know that I must pray hard and do my best wherever God wants me to be. To God be the glory, forever and always.
Today marks the concert of International Superstar Justin Bieber in the Philippines. Okay, that is a lame start. Haha. I am watching the News right now and almost every channel on tv talks about this event. Well, I have nothing against J.B. I think I even like some of his songs and I think he's really talented. Moving on....
Recently, I have been very vigilant in watching news shows. It's because somehow, in the back of my mind, I always look for that something... for a news on THAT particular place.. yet on the other hand, I also wish that no big news really come out from there, since most often, news only contain negative reports or happenings.
Okay let's get to the point.
For the past months, news about JAPAN have been circulating in the internet and it is not difficult at all to search for the latest events and happenings there. After the tsunami and the nuclear problem, Japan has always been in the limelight of international media. The thing is every time I search for the latest news there, my heart jumps and somehow I feel nervous.
Just a few weeks before the earthquake, I was in Japan. And I got the job offer that I have dreamed of getting for almost the duration of my college life. I saw how beautiful the country is and how disciplined the people there are. I can not say even a single thing that I did not like about the country. Well, I only stayed for about 5 days... The people were nice and friendly. There were so many nice places to see. The country is very clean. Everything is nice. The environment is teeming with culture, science and spice. It's a breath of fresh air to stay in such a wonderful place even for just a few days.
This is why it hurts me to see how the event of March 11 has devastated such a very good country, making me think that everything is still not placed in the hands of men. Moreover, the earthquake that occurred has not only shattered buildings and homes in the Tohoku region. About more than a hundred miles away, a hoping heart's dreams were shaken too.
Yes, people in Japan were grieving and at the same time, I was grieving too for the dreams that I have somehow imagined myself of having once I return to Japan land to fulfill the work that I have gotten. I thank the Lord for having presented to me such a good opportunity which will allow me to help my family and to garner good experiences which can help me grow as an individual. But with the earthquake and the nuclear problem, I am now placed in a situation wherein what I want is possibly in conflict with the reality.
I am now in a state of confusion. Of whether I should still go or not for what I originally have planned. I ask God about what He wants and I know that He will give me an answer. I know that fear should not reign in one's heart but we all know that prevention is better than cure. I have other options here and I believe that they are also good granted that I will do my best in everything I do. But what do I really want? Should I let an opportunity of a lifetime just pass?
It's a long road ahead. And only God knows the future. The steps that we take today will determine what will happen in the future and I know that I must pray hard and do my best wherever God wants me to be. To God be the glory, forever and always.
hello there!
been lost but now i am back.
i have skipped a lot of occasions that were actually worth blogging so i will just enumerate them here.
MY GRADUATION. yes, thank God i am not a College student anymore!!! i am a GRADUATE! :D
what else?
hm, oh well maybe that event is worth a lot... and means a lot, especially for my parents.
i have always decided to be more active here but i always forget to do so. i also promised to put more pictures but i also always fail to do so. what's happening?
well, maybe, a little change is good. maybe i should really try to blog more often. nah, i am rumbling to myself.
kidding aside, i was actually surprised with the different comments on my chatbox. i did not think that some people are reading this.. oh and i forgot, i received a comment about my usage of punctuation marks and capitalization.. and yeah, maybe i should improve on this one.
---
Starting now, I will be a renewed blogger :D
Ok, I promise, I will really try my best :D
i have skipped a lot of occasions that were actually worth blogging so i will just enumerate them here.
MY GRADUATION. yes, thank God i am not a College student anymore!!! i am a GRADUATE! :D
what else?
hm, oh well maybe that event is worth a lot... and means a lot, especially for my parents.
i have always decided to be more active here but i always forget to do so. i also promised to put more pictures but i also always fail to do so. what's happening?
well, maybe, a little change is good. maybe i should really try to blog more often. nah, i am rumbling to myself.
kidding aside, i was actually surprised with the different comments on my chatbox. i did not think that some people are reading this.. oh and i forgot, i received a comment about my usage of punctuation marks and capitalization.. and yeah, maybe i should improve on this one.
---
Starting now, I will be a renewed blogger :D
Ok, I promise, I will really try my best :D
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