The art of caring

A question is currently baffling me.
That is,
"why do most people choose to care for people who don't care for them?"

It is painstaking to invest emotion, time, feelings, effort to someone who does not even recognize what you're giving up just to please them or make them feel that they are important.

The heck, those people might even have such thick skin that they won't even know or feel that you care.

Or maybe they do but they just don't give a damn.

Then hard and hurtful as it is, why do most people still choose the hard path?

Unanswered messages.
Cold treatment.

It seems you exist in a different universe and he/she is a supreme being not meant to stoop down to your level.

It sucks.
But still, you can't help but care.
And give a damn.

Yes loneliness is underrated.. And being rejected is more underrated.

Sometimes I think that people secretly want to get hurt and get rejected. Because who in his/her right frame of mind will continue to pursue someone who does nothing but make you feel inferior and good for nothing?

I guess that is just someone who is in love. And while the brain can rationalize and think logically, it is the heart that still dominates.

A heart that seems to love getting hurt so much. A heart that sees nothing but blind likelihood of having someone like you back. A heart that is a traitor when you think you have gone past any bitter stage and then return to its poor state again once in a while in the direst of times.

why do people choose to care for people who don't even care?

I guess the answer is just simple.
...because they really have no choice.

The best is yet to come.

I have just bought my ticket home to the Philippines. It took me a long time to decide what airline to use but at last, it has been finalized. I am just so excited to go home right now! I want to hug and spend time with my family and treat them to the things that can make them happy.

Time really flies so fast. I have been living in Japan for more than half a year now and so far, still so good. With God's grace, everyday turns out to be a nice day. Yes, there are those days which were challenging but I guess my general assessment is still great. To God, I owe everything.

Right now, I am setting limits to myself. I want to achieve some more things and become a better person in all aspect everyday. I guess each day I am really trying harder to become better. One step at a time.

Btw the title comes from the daily scripture reading/reflection book. I love today's reflection especially because it coincides with my emotions recently.

Trust in God. Trust in Him that every day is better.

Inspiration

The title above does not refer to anything in particular. It is just that I was reminded of how important inspirations are. Inspiration. It makes you wake up in the morning even though you lack sleep. It makes you smile even though you feel that the world is at your shoulders. It makes you go on. And believe that life is always worth living for. Whenever I lose my purpose in life, I always remind myself of the inspirations that I have set in my life. My family. My dreams and goals for myself (which include a lot lot lot lot of things... I want to travel. I want to learn to do so many things..... The list goes on and on.) The fact that God put me here in this universe for a purpose and that He loves me. Srsly, God's love is so comforting... more on that some other time) And it is through these things that I manage to get through my everyday life. Right now, I can not say that I am inspired in the definition that most people would think about (HS definition)... but I guess, I am inspired by the fact that I am in awe of life and everything it has to offer. And I guess it is just one of the most important things that I always need to be reminded of. never stop learning, never stop improving yourself. use your time wisely. these are three things i must put into heart.

One of those days

...where I have this yearning to never stop learning.

For the past weeks, I feel that I have been wasting my free time in very trivial matters that won't help me grow as a person. 悔しいですが、時間がなくなちゃった。

And yes. The sudden change in language in this post is a big sign that my mind is composing thoughts in nihongo already and my English is messing up.

I guess I need to read English book again. But thing is, I want to read Nihongo book too.

Sometimes, I feel that time is not enough for me to do everything that I want. But the ironic thing is that when I have time, I waste it.

I guess this is one thing I must struve hard to improve. I think the saying "Time is gold." lasted for a reason.

And I should not waste my precious gold bars.

Awesome.

It's time to be awesome again. Lonely period needs to be over. And nowI realize how much time I have wasted.

Abandonment

I know in my heart that I must be making the best out of my experience here but just like all of my excuses when I leave the optimistic zone and face my real emotions, just for this night, let me be myself.

I miss talking and being understood without any language barrier or without thinking/worrying if what I meant was really understood. I guess my face is acting weird recently and I so miss the feeling of laughing for real and mot just faking it for the sake of not being left out. Yes I know it is pathetic. I said I will fight and I will win this battle but it is just so tiring to always be on the preppy side and see the silver lining in every cloud all the time.

I guess my mentor was right when she said that I might experience frustrations again. And yes, she is so right. Living together with global recruits, with people who share the same sentiment with yours is so comforting.

Heck, living some miles away from those people and being practically the sole english speaker is frustrating. Yes I want to learn Nihongo and maybe this is really the best chance to indulge myself with everyday Nihongo and be the beat I can be. Forgive me if I am complaining. I guess I am just tired.

Or maybe the loneliness is creeping in. Because really, I am different. I am not Japanese. And it is sad when you want to understand them and reach out but feel that it is so difficult and sometimes burdensome.

I guess I have to find peace in cold silence. And arrange my face in a manner that is not cold.

Bec srsly, I did not know when it started but my facial expression is becoming colder and colder. I miss sunshine.

I miss the city. Or maybe I just miss he feeling of being cared for and loved. Wth.

Title

It sucks big time when you have blogged and then you did something else and when you wanna blog again the one you have started was suddenly gone @.@

Maybe bec I forgot to put a title.