I do not know why I particularly chose to write the title above even though I know it does not make sense out of whatever emotion/s I have right now.
Yes... This is one of the moments when I feel that only blogging can make my mind clearer. One of the moments, when only writing whatever that runs in my head can make me stop and see, and perhaps clearly see what is going on.
I know I am the kind of person who always wants to choose to be happy and optimistic... but just for today, and just like all the other days when I said some other excuses... please, please allow me to wander towards the lonely side of the road, put on a sad face and somehow stop pretending that everything is...............okay, let me stop. I can't even type that.
Reality is, I can't even stay sad (or maybe TOOOO sad) for so long. Why? Because it makes me feel that I am ungrateful. To God and to everything that He is giving and bestowing upon me.
I know, recently, some things are going wrong and I feel bad about certain things. It seems that what I have hoped for in some aspects aren't really what they are and I don't know, i just feel not so joyful sometimes and I just feel that I am gonna fall into some state of depression or loneliness or whatsoever or maybe I just don't feel like I am ok or I do not know...
That was nonsense and erroneous... .And that is the exact reason why I do not want to choose to be lonely. Because in the same way that the 'sense' of the previously written run-on sentence vanished, when I deprived myself of pauses and periods, the moment I decide to give in to my rants and to my whatnots without really thinking if choosing to be lonely is that worth it, I lose my sense and often make mistakes.
I am not saying that I should not be sad or I should lie to myself about being sad. But I guess, it is enough that I acknowledge to myself that I am sad, something is not ok, and then think of ways how to get out of the situation I am in. I guess the bad thing is when I start to wallow in loneliness and lose myself in the process... and worse, lose the opportunities to get out of loneliness because I am too busy pretending to be lonely for the sake of it.
Now, why do I feel this way?
Because I feel that one aspect of my life has no growth.
What I think of as a solution?
Grow in other aspects.
Some people blame others for the bad things that happen to them or the bad situation that they are in. But I guess, everything really depends on your own choices and perspective. It all depends on how you look at the situation and whether you can see the advantage you can get in whatever situation you might face.
I guess it also depends on realizing how blessed you are and appreciating the things you have. As one instructor said, when you don't like a situation that you can't really change immediately and you have to endure it for some reason, just make a thank you list and think of all the positive things you acquire from that situation or person.
Being negative does not help! You only make yourself suffer more.
Be pro-active. Be energetic in searching for ways on how to improve your life and yourself.
Most often, other people are so busy minding their own businesses that's why it is better to avoid thinking too much about what others would think or say. Say what you want, assert yourself especially if you believe that you don't get what you deserve. But never forget Respect.
Use your time wisely. Every second is important so don't waste it feeling blue.
Be thankful to God and realize that He puts you there for a reason.
Trust His reasons because they are always the best and someday, everything will make sense and you will realize why it became such since from the start.
Now.....I guess the title is really wrong... because there will always be something... nothingness is just nothing.
2013
2013 is about to come.
Thank you Lord for 2012!!!
Thank you for all of your blessings!
Most of all, Thank you because I know that with Your great love and grace, 2013 will be a better, happier, healthier and more prosperous year!
I love you and I offer everything to you! :D
Love,
Clarence
Thank you Lord for 2012!!!
Thank you for all of your blessings!
Most of all, Thank you because I know that with Your great love and grace, 2013 will be a better, happier, healthier and more prosperous year!
I love you and I offer everything to you! :D
Love,
Clarence
You are where you are meant to be.
Recently I have been thinking much if I have been making the right decisions in life. If I chose the right job, the right career, the right people who are surrounding me, the right personality (not that it can really be chosen, but somehow you can adapt a character and choose to live with that, right?), right whatever. I have to admit that it is not so easy thinking about all these things but I guess almost everyone comes to a point wherein they start to question almost everything that they have done and start to wonder "what if".
It's not that I am regretting my decisions, or not enjoying my state right now (in fact, I am having fun with my life right now, thank God)... But maybe it is just because I know I could have chosen another path and I just wonder, our of curiosity maybe, what could have been.
I guess the point of this blog is losing its point but I think, most of the time, we (or maybe just I) are (am) overpowered by the urge to think of useless things and just arrive at random thought experiments that make us (me) wonder more and arrive to nothing but more questions. What did I just type here?
Yes. Life is a big crossroads. And it is always that we have to choose what we want in our lives. Life has no template wherein you need to follow a series of procedures and you are sure to get somewhere. Life is really a matter of choice. And it is almost every moment that you need to make a choice.
My point? I believe that a person is where he was meant to be because in the most banal of words, he has chosen to be there. Yes, some might disagree with this. But I believe that one's course of life springs from a series of decisions that he or she has made throughout a period and whether we want it or not, directly or indirectly, those series of decisions, no matter how minute or insignificant they might have seemed during that time, have all led us to where we are right now. Everything is tangled and interconnected and leads to this moment. And this moment, leads to tomorrow's moment.
And while they say that there could always be "ifs". I say that there are always "what ifs of what ifs" too.
Think about it, if the other thing happened, you might still be thinking "what if" the other thing happened, which is actually the thing that made you think the "what if" in the first place. Vicious cycle. That never ends. Or will only end if you accept the fact that you are where you are because you have chosen it. Better yet, you are where you are because that is where God wants you to be and He has guided you all the way from the start to lead you to the very same spot you are standing right now.
I really think that when you begin to think that everything has a purpose, you stop wandering aimlessly and begin to find more meaning and essence even with the most stupid thing that you can be swallowing from the challenges that are being thrown upon you.
But take note that I am not saying that where you are is where you should stay. Right now, you might or might not like what is happening but like I said, Life is made of choices. And maybe your next decision can just lead to somewhere better or to somewhere more suitable for whatever you think you deserve.
Just hang on there and believe that you are God's masterpiece. And that life is an exciting journey.
It's not that I am regretting my decisions, or not enjoying my state right now (in fact, I am having fun with my life right now, thank God)... But maybe it is just because I know I could have chosen another path and I just wonder, our of curiosity maybe, what could have been.
I guess the point of this blog is losing its point but I think, most of the time, we (or maybe just I) are (am) overpowered by the urge to think of useless things and just arrive at random thought experiments that make us (me) wonder more and arrive to nothing but more questions. What did I just type here?
Yes. Life is a big crossroads. And it is always that we have to choose what we want in our lives. Life has no template wherein you need to follow a series of procedures and you are sure to get somewhere. Life is really a matter of choice. And it is almost every moment that you need to make a choice.
My point? I believe that a person is where he was meant to be because in the most banal of words, he has chosen to be there. Yes, some might disagree with this. But I believe that one's course of life springs from a series of decisions that he or she has made throughout a period and whether we want it or not, directly or indirectly, those series of decisions, no matter how minute or insignificant they might have seemed during that time, have all led us to where we are right now. Everything is tangled and interconnected and leads to this moment. And this moment, leads to tomorrow's moment.
And while they say that there could always be "ifs". I say that there are always "what ifs of what ifs" too.
Think about it, if the other thing happened, you might still be thinking "what if" the other thing happened, which is actually the thing that made you think the "what if" in the first place. Vicious cycle. That never ends. Or will only end if you accept the fact that you are where you are because you have chosen it. Better yet, you are where you are because that is where God wants you to be and He has guided you all the way from the start to lead you to the very same spot you are standing right now.
I really think that when you begin to think that everything has a purpose, you stop wandering aimlessly and begin to find more meaning and essence even with the most stupid thing that you can be swallowing from the challenges that are being thrown upon you.
But take note that I am not saying that where you are is where you should stay. Right now, you might or might not like what is happening but like I said, Life is made of choices. And maybe your next decision can just lead to somewhere better or to somewhere more suitable for whatever you think you deserve.
Just hang on there and believe that you are God's masterpiece. And that life is an exciting journey.
The art of caring
A question is currently baffling me.
That is,
"why do most people choose to care for people who don't care for them?"
It is painstaking to invest emotion, time, feelings, effort to someone who does not even recognize what you're giving up just to please them or make them feel that they are important.
The heck, those people might even have such thick skin that they won't even know or feel that you care.
Or maybe they do but they just don't give a damn.
Then hard and hurtful as it is, why do most people still choose the hard path?
Unanswered messages.
Cold treatment.
It seems you exist in a different universe and he/she is a supreme being not meant to stoop down to your level.
It sucks.
But still, you can't help but care.
And give a damn.
Yes loneliness is underrated.. And being rejected is more underrated.
Sometimes I think that people secretly want to get hurt and get rejected. Because who in his/her right frame of mind will continue to pursue someone who does nothing but make you feel inferior and good for nothing?
I guess that is just someone who is in love. And while the brain can rationalize and think logically, it is the heart that still dominates.
A heart that seems to love getting hurt so much. A heart that sees nothing but blind likelihood of having someone like you back. A heart that is a traitor when you think you have gone past any bitter stage and then return to its poor state again once in a while in the direst of times.
why do people choose to care for people who don't even care?
I guess the answer is just simple.
...because they really have no choice.
That is,
"why do most people choose to care for people who don't care for them?"
It is painstaking to invest emotion, time, feelings, effort to someone who does not even recognize what you're giving up just to please them or make them feel that they are important.
The heck, those people might even have such thick skin that they won't even know or feel that you care.
Or maybe they do but they just don't give a damn.
Then hard and hurtful as it is, why do most people still choose the hard path?
Unanswered messages.
Cold treatment.
It seems you exist in a different universe and he/she is a supreme being not meant to stoop down to your level.
It sucks.
But still, you can't help but care.
And give a damn.
Yes loneliness is underrated.. And being rejected is more underrated.
Sometimes I think that people secretly want to get hurt and get rejected. Because who in his/her right frame of mind will continue to pursue someone who does nothing but make you feel inferior and good for nothing?
I guess that is just someone who is in love. And while the brain can rationalize and think logically, it is the heart that still dominates.
A heart that seems to love getting hurt so much. A heart that sees nothing but blind likelihood of having someone like you back. A heart that is a traitor when you think you have gone past any bitter stage and then return to its poor state again once in a while in the direst of times.
why do people choose to care for people who don't even care?
I guess the answer is just simple.
...because they really have no choice.
The best is yet to come.
I have just bought my ticket home to the Philippines. It took me a long time to decide what airline to use but at last, it has been finalized. I am just so excited to go home right now! I want to hug and spend time with my family and treat them to the things that can make them happy.
Time really flies so fast. I have been living in Japan for more than half a year now and so far, still so good. With God's grace, everyday turns out to be a nice day. Yes, there are those days which were challenging but I guess my general assessment is still great. To God, I owe everything.
Right now, I am setting limits to myself. I want to achieve some more things and become a better person in all aspect everyday. I guess each day I am really trying harder to become better. One step at a time.
Btw the title comes from the daily scripture reading/reflection book. I love today's reflection especially because it coincides with my emotions recently.
Trust in God. Trust in Him that every day is better.
Time really flies so fast. I have been living in Japan for more than half a year now and so far, still so good. With God's grace, everyday turns out to be a nice day. Yes, there are those days which were challenging but I guess my general assessment is still great. To God, I owe everything.
Right now, I am setting limits to myself. I want to achieve some more things and become a better person in all aspect everyday. I guess each day I am really trying harder to become better. One step at a time.
Btw the title comes from the daily scripture reading/reflection book. I love today's reflection especially because it coincides with my emotions recently.
Trust in God. Trust in Him that every day is better.
Inspiration
The title above does not refer to anything in particular.
It is just that I was reminded of how important inspirations are.
Inspiration.
It makes you wake up in the morning even though you lack sleep.
It makes you smile even though you feel that the world is at your shoulders.
It makes you go on.
And believe that life is always worth living for.
Whenever I lose my purpose in life, I always remind myself of the inspirations that I have set in my life.
My family.
My dreams and goals for myself (which include a lot lot lot lot of things...
I want to travel. I want to learn to do so many things.....
The list goes on and on.)
The fact that God put me here in this universe for a purpose and that He loves me. Srsly, God's love is so comforting... more on that some other time)
And it is through these things that I manage to get through my everyday life.
Right now, I can not say that I am inspired in the definition that most people would think about (HS definition)... but I guess, I am inspired by the fact that I am in awe of life and everything it has to offer. And I guess it is just one of the most important things that I always need to be reminded of.
never stop learning, never stop improving yourself.
use your time wisely.
these are three things i must put into heart.
One of those days
...where I have this yearning to never stop learning.
For the past weeks, I feel that I have been wasting my free time in very trivial matters that won't help me grow as a person. 悔しいですが、時間がなくなちゃった。
And yes. The sudden change in language in this post is a big sign that my mind is composing thoughts in nihongo already and my English is messing up.
I guess I need to read English book again. But thing is, I want to read Nihongo book too.
Sometimes, I feel that time is not enough for me to do everything that I want. But the ironic thing is that when I have time, I waste it.
I guess this is one thing I must struve hard to improve. I think the saying "Time is gold." lasted for a reason.
And I should not waste my precious gold bars.
For the past weeks, I feel that I have been wasting my free time in very trivial matters that won't help me grow as a person. 悔しいですが、時間がなくなちゃった。
And yes. The sudden change in language in this post is a big sign that my mind is composing thoughts in nihongo already and my English is messing up.
I guess I need to read English book again. But thing is, I want to read Nihongo book too.
Sometimes, I feel that time is not enough for me to do everything that I want. But the ironic thing is that when I have time, I waste it.
I guess this is one thing I must struve hard to improve. I think the saying "Time is gold." lasted for a reason.
And I should not waste my precious gold bars.
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