Tears

When feeling down
Just let the tears flow
You might think it's futile
But in life, that's the only way to go
Be honest with what you feel,
And acknowledge the truth that you don't wanna hear

Sometimes you have to accept,
that crying is the only way..
And hope for the best
That tomorrow, God is planning for a better day.

God's timing

Whenever I feel that things aren't going exactly the way I would have wanted them to be or if others seem to get what they want when I am actually left out, trying to increase my patience and make the beat out of what I have, - I always end up thinking, and I know, deep down in my heart that God is planning something very nice for me and that He won't let me down. Yes, God's timing might be different from what I hope it would be but His timing is always the best. And yes, we can never outdo God in giving. He loves me and He knows what's best for me.

Lord God, I will just hang on here and wait. Because I know, deep down in my heart, You won't let me down. I love you too.

Blog whenever you like it

There are times when I feel the urge to blog but I stop myself from doing so..
Why? Because I am always reminded of what my teacher once said, and I quote,
"Why will I give the world  reasons to laugh at me when I blog about sad things?"

And therefore, there were those several moments when I felt so down and sad when things did not go the way I would have wanted them to... or when I had too many complaints about the things I am undergoing or just whatsoever moments wherein I would like to pour my heart out. Yes, there were several instances wherein I literally stopped myself from blogging.

I don't want the world to judge me based on my thoughts on my blog back then.. but thinking about it now, really, what was I thinking???? THAT WAS CRAZY. and that defeats the purpose of blogging and why I started this blog in the first place.

This is my hidden haven. A place wherein my thoughts can flow freely because this is my little space. This is where I can write my opinions as long as they don't damage someone else's life or reputation. This is me. And I should never be shy about it.

Most of the time, when I feel that my brain is so confused from all the things that are happening, blogging serves as my only therapy.... so stopping myself from blogging is not a good thing at all. PLUS, recently, I am feeling that I am gradually losing my ENGLISH SKILLS. WTH!

I don't know if I need to start picking up a grammar book or what, I hope I am still not in that level but I just feel that I am losing the natural tendency to think like a native english speaker. Yes, I am struggling. I don't know if this is because of my recently (since last year) acquired Japanese skills but this is not allowable at all! THIS IS ... OMG. I can not think of the right adjective. I guess that proves my point. What is happening to me. HAHAHA.

Therefore, I have decided to go back to blogging my thoughts. And this time, I am gonna go back to the days when writing was one my passions and wherein getting creative with words was part of my hobbies.

I will rekindle the writer in me! And I am excited to start this journey! ;)

Fulfillment

I guess this word seems very simple but is in fact very rich in meaning.

In a world where it is difficult to find your place and know your purpose, I think it is fulfillment that people are looking for. A sense to make you feel your worth and to make you feel that what you're doing is valuable.

Right now, I honestly admit that there are certain points in my life wherein I can not say that I am fulfilled.

But then, during these times, I always strive to tell myself to not focus on whatever's missing but instead focus on what I can do to make up for the lacking portions.

Today, I have realized that when I feel I lack fulfillment in certain aspects of my life, I should try to be fulfilled in other aspects.

Maybe God is telling me to rest in some aspects first because He also wants me to grow in other aspects and thus, He wants me to learn more and do more. Maybe in the long run, this set-up if better than what I originally want and that this is what is best for me.

Sometimes I can't help but question God why things happen the way they do and I just end up feeling miserable and sad. But I guess in the end, it is better to think that God always has plans for me and that His plans are always for my best interest. I just have to trust His own timing and know that His plans are far greater than whatever I can imagine for myself.

I just have to wait. And of course, do my part-that is instead of wallowing in sadness, try to make the best out of every situation and learn whatever I can learn. God is merciful and he gives grace and wisdom to those who ask.

For now, I am praying for strength. I hope God gives me strength to accept the moment I am in right now and the strength to act whenever I have the opportunity to change something.

Please make me stronger and smarter. Amen.

When there's nothing else...

I do not know why I particularly chose to write the title above even though I know it does not make sense out of whatever emotion/s I have right now.

Yes... This is one of the moments when I feel that only blogging can make my mind clearer. One of the moments, when only writing whatever that runs in my head can make me stop and see, and perhaps clearly see what is going on.

I know I am the kind of person who always wants to choose to be happy and optimistic... but just for today, and just like all the other days when I said some other excuses... please, please allow me to wander towards the lonely side of the road, put on a sad face and somehow stop pretending that everything is...............okay, let me stop. I can't even type that.

Reality is, I can't even stay sad (or maybe TOOOO sad) for so long. Why? Because it makes me feel that I am ungrateful. To God and to everything that He is giving and bestowing upon me.

I know, recently, some things are going wrong and I feel bad about certain things. It seems that what I have hoped for in some aspects aren't really what they are and I don't know, i just feel not so joyful sometimes and I just feel that I am gonna fall into some state of depression or loneliness or whatsoever or maybe I just don't feel like I am ok or I do not know...

That was nonsense and erroneous... .And that is the exact reason why I do not want to choose to be lonely. Because in the same way that the 'sense' of the previously written run-on sentence vanished, when I deprived myself of pauses and periods, the moment I decide to give in to my rants and to my whatnots without really thinking if choosing to be lonely is that worth it, I lose my sense and often make mistakes.

I am not saying that I should not be sad or I should lie to myself about being sad. But I guess, it is enough that I acknowledge to myself that I am sad, something is not ok, and then think of ways how to get out of the situation I am in. I guess the bad thing is when I start to wallow in loneliness and lose myself in the process... and worse, lose the opportunities to get out of loneliness because I am too busy pretending to be lonely for the sake of it.

Now, why do I feel this way?

Because I feel that one aspect of my life has no growth.
What I think of as a solution?
Grow in other aspects.

Some people blame others for the bad things that happen to them or the bad situation that they are in. But I guess, everything really depends on your own choices and perspective. It all depends on how you look at the situation and whether you can see the advantage you can get in whatever situation you might face.

I guess it also depends on realizing how blessed you are and appreciating the things you have. As one instructor said, when you don't like a situation that you can't really change immediately and you have to endure it for some reason, just make a thank you list and think of all the positive things you acquire from that situation or person.

Being negative  does not help! You only make yourself suffer more.
Be pro-active. Be energetic in searching for ways on how to improve your life and yourself.

Most often, other people are so busy minding their own businesses that's why it is better to avoid thinking too much about what others would think or say. Say what you want, assert yourself especially if you believe that you don't get what you deserve. But never forget Respect.

Use your time wisely. Every second is important so don't waste it feeling blue.
Be thankful to God and realize that He puts you there for a reason.
Trust His reasons because they are always the best and someday, everything will make sense and you will realize why it became such since from the start.

Now.....I guess the title is really wrong... because there will always be something... nothingness is just nothing.

2013

2013 is about to come.
Thank you Lord for 2012!!!
Thank you for all of your blessings!

Most of all, Thank you because I know that with Your great love and grace, 2013 will be a better, happier, healthier and more prosperous year!
I love you and I offer everything to you! :D

Love,
Clarence

You are where you are meant to be.

Recently I have been thinking much if  I have been making the right decisions in life. If I chose the right job, the right career, the right people who are surrounding me, the right personality (not that it can really be chosen, but somehow you can adapt a character and choose to live with that, right?), right whatever. I have to admit that it is not so easy thinking about all these things but I guess almost everyone comes to a point wherein they start to question almost everything that they have done and start to wonder "what if".

It's not that I am regretting my decisions, or not enjoying my state right now (in fact, I am having fun with my life right now, thank God)... But maybe it is just because I know I could have chosen another path and I just wonder, our of curiosity maybe, what could have been.

I guess the point of this blog is losing its point but I think, most of the time, we (or maybe just I) are (am) overpowered by the urge to think of useless things and just arrive at random thought experiments that make us (me) wonder more and arrive to nothing but more questions. What did I just type here?

Yes. Life is a big crossroads. And it is always that we have to choose what we want in our lives. Life has no template wherein you need  to follow a series of procedures and you are sure to get somewhere. Life is really a matter of choice. And it is almost every moment that you need to make a choice.

My point? I believe that a person is where he was meant to be because in the most banal of words, he has chosen to be there. Yes, some might disagree with this. But I believe that one's course of life springs from a series of decisions that he or she has made throughout a period and whether we want it or not, directly or indirectly, those series of decisions, no matter how minute or insignificant they might have seemed during that time, have all led us to where we are right now. Everything is tangled and interconnected and leads to this moment. And this moment, leads to tomorrow's moment.

And while they say that there could always be "ifs". I say that there are always "what ifs of what ifs" too.

Think about it, if the other thing happened, you might still be thinking "what if" the other thing happened, which is actually the thing that made you think the "what if" in the first place. Vicious cycle. That never ends. Or will only end if you accept the fact that you are where you are because you have chosen it. Better yet,  you are where you are because that is where God wants you to be and He has guided you all the way from the start to lead you to the very same spot you are standing right now.

I really think that when you begin to think that everything has a purpose, you stop wandering aimlessly and begin to find more meaning and essence even with the most stupid thing that you can be swallowing from the challenges that are being thrown upon you.

But take note that I am not saying that where you are is where you should stay. Right now, you might or might not like what is happening but like I said, Life is made of choices. And maybe your next decision can just lead to somewhere better or to somewhere more suitable for whatever you think you deserve.

Just hang on there and believe that you are God's masterpiece. And that life is an exciting journey.