Tears

They say that to stop your tears from flowing, just look up. I tried. And yes, my tears remained in tact. Maybe it's because when you look up, you can imagine God looking at you too, telling you to hold on and just try.. And believe that He has the best plans in store for you.

Getting sad gets you nowhere..

I don't know if it is hormones or it is just me.. But here I am again, in that point where the word sadness feels so close to my heart. I hate it, this state. This feeling. And I know that while being sad does not do me any good, I can't help but give in and be stupid. 

I want to think of happiness. I want to see myself in a state where I won't cry just with simple thoughts about the things that make me sad.

Sometimes, I ask myself what happened to me?

Before, I have always taken pride in being a pro-active person, one who will not be put down by challenges but one who rises and beats the odds. 

I want to be that kind of person. I know that our lives practically consist of a series of choices and as much as I can, I choose to be positive, happy and nice. But I don't know. It just seems that I am always pulled back to that hole where my loneliness does not have the heart to contain itself. That hole where I become so familiar with the word sadness that I need to repeat the word happiness over and over just to grasp its meaning. 

I am not depressed. But I think I have taken the wrong path in dealing with my emotions.

Before, I told myself that I should be honest with myself and feel what I need to feel in that moment. Yes, I still believe that it is better to acknowledge what you are feeling. If you feel unhappy, go and be unhappy. But don't linger. Don't get addicted to loneliness. 

For the past few days, I have been thinking that I am sad and thus I've sunk even deeper into sadness. I guess it is already a common knowledge that what you think has a great chance of becoming true and apparently, it can not be even more true in this case.

Getting lonely will get you nowhere.

It will lead you to get stuck in a situation when you could have spent your time thinking of ways to improve your life.  

In fact, I think there is a bog difference between saying the words 'unhappy' and 'sad'. I think, from now on, I will prefer to say unhappy because at least happy is still there.

I know that these are just challenges and that God never gives us anything that we can't handle. Sometimes it might be too tempting to get addicted to unhappiness because it might be the easy resort, but I sincerely believe that if we look close enough, we can find happiness in moat aspects of life.

One does not need to give up. One has to gather his or her strength to go on and keep fighting. We may not always get what we want but there will always be good things awaiting for us.

Today, I decide to be happy and to look at the positive things. I might be faking it but I know that when you don't have any other choice, most of the time, it is better to be happy than to be sad.

Just do the things that can make you happy. Find self growth and trust God that everything happens for a reason. Look up! Cheer up! Stay positive and stay excellent!

And don't forget to smile..

Bubble

I was okay. I was trying to be okay. I was trying to make the beat out of the situation. But you came and burst my bubble. I don't know which is better. Having to pretend that everything is okay and eventually feeling okay. Or being faced again will all the issues and perplexities when you know the only solution is to accept. Sometimes, I think, what have I done wrong to deserve this.
But then i stop thinking about it because I know God does not punish.

What should I do.

Tears

When feeling down
Just let the tears flow
You might think it's futile
But in life, that's the only way to go
Be honest with what you feel,
And acknowledge the truth that you don't wanna hear

Sometimes you have to accept,
that crying is the only way..
And hope for the best
That tomorrow, God is planning for a better day.

God's timing

Whenever I feel that things aren't going exactly the way I would have wanted them to be or if others seem to get what they want when I am actually left out, trying to increase my patience and make the beat out of what I have, - I always end up thinking, and I know, deep down in my heart that God is planning something very nice for me and that He won't let me down. Yes, God's timing might be different from what I hope it would be but His timing is always the best. And yes, we can never outdo God in giving. He loves me and He knows what's best for me.

Lord God, I will just hang on here and wait. Because I know, deep down in my heart, You won't let me down. I love you too.

Blog whenever you like it

There are times when I feel the urge to blog but I stop myself from doing so..
Why? Because I am always reminded of what my teacher once said, and I quote,
"Why will I give the world  reasons to laugh at me when I blog about sad things?"

And therefore, there were those several moments when I felt so down and sad when things did not go the way I would have wanted them to... or when I had too many complaints about the things I am undergoing or just whatsoever moments wherein I would like to pour my heart out. Yes, there were several instances wherein I literally stopped myself from blogging.

I don't want the world to judge me based on my thoughts on my blog back then.. but thinking about it now, really, what was I thinking???? THAT WAS CRAZY. and that defeats the purpose of blogging and why I started this blog in the first place.

This is my hidden haven. A place wherein my thoughts can flow freely because this is my little space. This is where I can write my opinions as long as they don't damage someone else's life or reputation. This is me. And I should never be shy about it.

Most of the time, when I feel that my brain is so confused from all the things that are happening, blogging serves as my only therapy.... so stopping myself from blogging is not a good thing at all. PLUS, recently, I am feeling that I am gradually losing my ENGLISH SKILLS. WTH!

I don't know if I need to start picking up a grammar book or what, I hope I am still not in that level but I just feel that I am losing the natural tendency to think like a native english speaker. Yes, I am struggling. I don't know if this is because of my recently (since last year) acquired Japanese skills but this is not allowable at all! THIS IS ... OMG. I can not think of the right adjective. I guess that proves my point. What is happening to me. HAHAHA.

Therefore, I have decided to go back to blogging my thoughts. And this time, I am gonna go back to the days when writing was one my passions and wherein getting creative with words was part of my hobbies.

I will rekindle the writer in me! And I am excited to start this journey! ;)

Fulfillment

I guess this word seems very simple but is in fact very rich in meaning.

In a world where it is difficult to find your place and know your purpose, I think it is fulfillment that people are looking for. A sense to make you feel your worth and to make you feel that what you're doing is valuable.

Right now, I honestly admit that there are certain points in my life wherein I can not say that I am fulfilled.

But then, during these times, I always strive to tell myself to not focus on whatever's missing but instead focus on what I can do to make up for the lacking portions.

Today, I have realized that when I feel I lack fulfillment in certain aspects of my life, I should try to be fulfilled in other aspects.

Maybe God is telling me to rest in some aspects first because He also wants me to grow in other aspects and thus, He wants me to learn more and do more. Maybe in the long run, this set-up if better than what I originally want and that this is what is best for me.

Sometimes I can't help but question God why things happen the way they do and I just end up feeling miserable and sad. But I guess in the end, it is better to think that God always has plans for me and that His plans are always for my best interest. I just have to trust His own timing and know that His plans are far greater than whatever I can imagine for myself.

I just have to wait. And of course, do my part-that is instead of wallowing in sadness, try to make the best out of every situation and learn whatever I can learn. God is merciful and he gives grace and wisdom to those who ask.

For now, I am praying for strength. I hope God gives me strength to accept the moment I am in right now and the strength to act whenever I have the opportunity to change something.

Please make me stronger and smarter. Amen.