at the middle

Hi there blogger. It's been a long time sine I told you about what's happening in my life. Something major I don't want you to miss, I had dengue.

I never thought that it can happen to me but it did. And it was surreal. I had rashes all over my body but I am so thankful to God that I came out of it alive. Thanks Lord! :D

As the title says, I am right now in the middle. AGAIN.
I am in the middle of deciding whether to go and chase Japan again or just to stay here and work here instead. Heck, I only have until tomorrow to decide.

Both companies are really good. That is why I am having a hard time.
I know that right now, staying would be a much safer option but what do I know? I have been undergoing an intensive Japanese Language training since June and giving up would mean that somehow, all those efforts were futile after all. Yet, I can't discount the fact that I learned a new language after all. Who knows if I can use that in the future?

Nihongo is hard. Actually, it is one of the major reasons why I am really thinking twice about going to Japan. If I go, I need to pay about a Million Yen if I want to go home before the contract ends. Now, what will I do about Radiation stuff too? I don't know. I am torn about this stuff too. Different websites tell different things and the truth, TEPCO only knows. I am scared. But my friends in Japan are fine and they say that Tokyo is fine. Now, should I really still be bothered?

My offer here is the best offer I can receive here so far. Salary is SOOOO good that it can be compared to what I can get in Japan. It is also an international company with so many good benefits but some are saying that the work will be somehow stressful. Still, I have dreamt of working for this company before my Japan option became available.

My biggest regret really is that this local company gave me the offer just two weeks ago. And while I asked for an extension to finally finally decide and they have given it to me, I am still having a big dilemma.

If I stay here, will I ever regret that I did not take the challenge? Will I settle here and be here forever? Will I feel sad when the time comes that I open my Facebook and I see my supposed to be Batchmates in Japan post some pictures of their travels? What? Will I be happy here when prior to the Tohoku Earthquake, I have built my dreams in Japan? Nah.

If I choose Japan, will there be a guarantee that I will not experience large earthquakes or the adverse effect of breathing/eating contaminated air/food? Yet, is there really something I should worry about? Will I survive with Nihongo? Will I be happy even when I am away from my family? Will I really be fulfilled and will I really get the growth there? Well, the last two questions can also apply to the first option.

THIS IS THE MOST DIFFICULT STAGE OF MY LIFE.

I can go there or here and I know that I just have to take the leap.
I thank God that I have good options. and I thank God that He allows me to choose.
I have asked for a million signs already. But I know that in the end, God wants me to decide. To stand for what I believe in and do what I think is appropriate.

I know that I should not really worry about making the right decision. I just have to make whatever I will choose right. But with Japan, somehow, there are so many things I can't control. So am I saying that I should stay here instead? If I stay, I need to pay a lot of things. Nah.

This is so confusing. God, please enlighten me. AMEN.