They say that confidence is sexy. And my problem? I have no confidence! Hahaha. But I think I am sexy. JK.
Anyway, kidding aside... I think this has been one of my personal problems ever since.
I have this bad habit of bringing myself down.. of saying bad things about myself..of not being too assertive.. about being indecisive... about not being too confident enough.
I have always told myself to improve this aspect. I know that I so blessed by God with so many things and being confident does not equate to being boastful.. it means that you are proud that you have a God who blesses you with so much.
My playing small does not do the world any good.
I have always believed that it is better to seize the moment and to have the confidence to face the world. Malaki ang nagagawa ng lakas ng loob. At kailangan kong sabihin to sa sarili ko araw araw.
Maybe this is the reason why I face this situation right now.//
I don't really know how I come across people but I guess,, I am quite sure that "confident" is not one of the adjectives that easily comes with my name...and I need to change that.
In life, you have to know what you want. and what you want to be... And you must do what it takes to achieve the state you want to be in. And before any other person can believe you, I think that it is very important to believe yourself first.
Believe you are beautiful. Believe you are worth it. Believe that you excel in what you do.
And I bet that everyday will be different. Different in a sense that you'll have more chances to see opportunities and challenges. And you know that you will be OK.
Because with your confidence comes the thinking that you are not alone and that God is with you.
This is my little project. From now on, I will try to be confident. I will try to showcase the gifts and blessings that God had endowed upon me. I will be the instrument of His grace to others. For it is only when I strongly believe that I am blessed that I can be a blessing to others too. So help me God.
Tears
They say that to stop your tears from flowing, just look up. I tried. And yes, my tears remained in tact. Maybe it's because when you look up, you can imagine God looking at you too, telling you to hold on and just try.. And believe that He has the best plans in store for you.
Getting sad gets you nowhere..
I don't know if it is hormones or it is just me.. But here I am again, in that point where the word sadness feels so close to my heart. I hate it, this state. This feeling. And I know that while being sad does not do me any good, I can't help but give in and be stupid.
I want to think of happiness. I want to see myself in a state where I won't cry just with simple thoughts about the things that make me sad.
Sometimes, I ask myself what happened to me?
Before, I have always taken pride in being a pro-active person, one who will not be put down by challenges but one who rises and beats the odds.
I want to be that kind of person. I know that our lives practically consist of a series of choices and as much as I can, I choose to be positive, happy and nice. But I don't know. It just seems that I am always pulled back to that hole where my loneliness does not have the heart to contain itself. That hole where I become so familiar with the word sadness that I need to repeat the word happiness over and over just to grasp its meaning.
I am not depressed. But I think I have taken the wrong path in dealing with my emotions.
Before, I told myself that I should be honest with myself and feel what I need to feel in that moment. Yes, I still believe that it is better to acknowledge what you are feeling. If you feel unhappy, go and be unhappy. But don't linger. Don't get addicted to loneliness.
For the past few days, I have been thinking that I am sad and thus I've sunk even deeper into sadness. I guess it is already a common knowledge that what you think has a great chance of becoming true and apparently, it can not be even more true in this case.
Getting lonely will get you nowhere.
It will lead you to get stuck in a situation when you could have spent your time thinking of ways to improve your life.
In fact, I think there is a bog difference between saying the words 'unhappy' and 'sad'. I think, from now on, I will prefer to say unhappy because at least happy is still there.
I know that these are just challenges and that God never gives us anything that we can't handle. Sometimes it might be too tempting to get addicted to unhappiness because it might be the easy resort, but I sincerely believe that if we look close enough, we can find happiness in moat aspects of life.
One does not need to give up. One has to gather his or her strength to go on and keep fighting. We may not always get what we want but there will always be good things awaiting for us.
Today, I decide to be happy and to look at the positive things. I might be faking it but I know that when you don't have any other choice, most of the time, it is better to be happy than to be sad.
Just do the things that can make you happy. Find self growth and trust God that everything happens for a reason. Look up! Cheer up! Stay positive and stay excellent!
And don't forget to smile..
Bubble
I was okay. I was trying to be okay. I was trying to make the beat out of the situation. But you came and burst my bubble. I don't know which is better. Having to pretend that everything is okay and eventually feeling okay. Or being faced again will all the issues and perplexities when you know the only solution is to accept. Sometimes, I think, what have I done wrong to deserve this.
But then i stop thinking about it because I know God does not punish.
What should I do.
But then i stop thinking about it because I know God does not punish.
What should I do.
Tears
When feeling down
Just let the tears flow
You might think it's futile
But in life, that's the only way to go
Be honest with what you feel,
And acknowledge the truth that you don't wanna hear
Sometimes you have to accept,
that crying is the only way..
And hope for the best
That tomorrow, God is planning for a better day.
Just let the tears flow
You might think it's futile
But in life, that's the only way to go
Be honest with what you feel,
And acknowledge the truth that you don't wanna hear
Sometimes you have to accept,
that crying is the only way..
And hope for the best
That tomorrow, God is planning for a better day.
God's timing
Whenever I feel that things aren't going exactly the way I would have wanted them to be or if others seem to get what they want when I am actually left out, trying to increase my patience and make the beat out of what I have, - I always end up thinking, and I know, deep down in my heart that God is planning something very nice for me and that He won't let me down. Yes, God's timing might be different from what I hope it would be but His timing is always the best. And yes, we can never outdo God in giving. He loves me and He knows what's best for me.
Lord God, I will just hang on here and wait. Because I know, deep down in my heart, You won't let me down. I love you too.
Lord God, I will just hang on here and wait. Because I know, deep down in my heart, You won't let me down. I love you too.
Blog whenever you like it
There are times when I feel the urge to blog but I stop myself from doing so..
Why? Because I am always reminded of what my teacher once said, and I quote,
"Why will I give the world reasons to laugh at me when I blog about sad things?"
And therefore, there were those several moments when I felt so down and sad when things did not go the way I would have wanted them to... or when I had too many complaints about the things I am undergoing or just whatsoever moments wherein I would like to pour my heart out. Yes, there were several instances wherein I literally stopped myself from blogging.
I don't want the world to judge me based on my thoughts on my blog back then.. but thinking about it now, really, what was I thinking???? THAT WAS CRAZY. and that defeats the purpose of blogging and why I started this blog in the first place.
This is my hidden haven. A place wherein my thoughts can flow freely because this is my little space. This is where I can write my opinions as long as they don't damage someone else's life or reputation. This is me. And I should never be shy about it.
Most of the time, when I feel that my brain is so confused from all the things that are happening, blogging serves as my only therapy.... so stopping myself from blogging is not a good thing at all. PLUS, recently, I am feeling that I am gradually losing my ENGLISH SKILLS. WTH!
I don't know if I need to start picking up a grammar book or what, I hope I am still not in that level but I just feel that I am losing the natural tendency to think like a native english speaker. Yes, I am struggling. I don't know if this is because of my recently (since last year) acquired Japanese skills but this is not allowable at all! THIS IS ... OMG. I can not think of the right adjective. I guess that proves my point. What is happening to me. HAHAHA.
Therefore, I have decided to go back to blogging my thoughts. And this time, I am gonna go back to the days when writing was one my passions and wherein getting creative with words was part of my hobbies.
I will rekindle the writer in me! And I am excited to start this journey! ;)
Why? Because I am always reminded of what my teacher once said, and I quote,
"Why will I give the world reasons to laugh at me when I blog about sad things?"
And therefore, there were those several moments when I felt so down and sad when things did not go the way I would have wanted them to... or when I had too many complaints about the things I am undergoing or just whatsoever moments wherein I would like to pour my heart out. Yes, there were several instances wherein I literally stopped myself from blogging.
I don't want the world to judge me based on my thoughts on my blog back then.. but thinking about it now, really, what was I thinking???? THAT WAS CRAZY. and that defeats the purpose of blogging and why I started this blog in the first place.
This is my hidden haven. A place wherein my thoughts can flow freely because this is my little space. This is where I can write my opinions as long as they don't damage someone else's life or reputation. This is me. And I should never be shy about it.
Most of the time, when I feel that my brain is so confused from all the things that are happening, blogging serves as my only therapy.... so stopping myself from blogging is not a good thing at all. PLUS, recently, I am feeling that I am gradually losing my ENGLISH SKILLS. WTH!
I don't know if I need to start picking up a grammar book or what, I hope I am still not in that level but I just feel that I am losing the natural tendency to think like a native english speaker. Yes, I am struggling. I don't know if this is because of my recently (since last year) acquired Japanese skills but this is not allowable at all! THIS IS ... OMG. I can not think of the right adjective. I guess that proves my point. What is happening to me. HAHAHA.
Therefore, I have decided to go back to blogging my thoughts. And this time, I am gonna go back to the days when writing was one my passions and wherein getting creative with words was part of my hobbies.
I will rekindle the writer in me! And I am excited to start this journey! ;)
Fulfillment
I guess this word seems very simple but is in fact very rich in meaning.
In a world where it is difficult to find your place and know your purpose, I think it is fulfillment that people are looking for. A sense to make you feel your worth and to make you feel that what you're doing is valuable.
Right now, I honestly admit that there are certain points in my life wherein I can not say that I am fulfilled.
But then, during these times, I always strive to tell myself to not focus on whatever's missing but instead focus on what I can do to make up for the lacking portions.
Today, I have realized that when I feel I lack fulfillment in certain aspects of my life, I should try to be fulfilled in other aspects.
Maybe God is telling me to rest in some aspects first because He also wants me to grow in other aspects and thus, He wants me to learn more and do more. Maybe in the long run, this set-up if better than what I originally want and that this is what is best for me.
Sometimes I can't help but question God why things happen the way they do and I just end up feeling miserable and sad. But I guess in the end, it is better to think that God always has plans for me and that His plans are always for my best interest. I just have to trust His own timing and know that His plans are far greater than whatever I can imagine for myself.
I just have to wait. And of course, do my part-that is instead of wallowing in sadness, try to make the best out of every situation and learn whatever I can learn. God is merciful and he gives grace and wisdom to those who ask.
For now, I am praying for strength. I hope God gives me strength to accept the moment I am in right now and the strength to act whenever I have the opportunity to change something.
Please make me stronger and smarter. Amen.
In a world where it is difficult to find your place and know your purpose, I think it is fulfillment that people are looking for. A sense to make you feel your worth and to make you feel that what you're doing is valuable.
Right now, I honestly admit that there are certain points in my life wherein I can not say that I am fulfilled.
But then, during these times, I always strive to tell myself to not focus on whatever's missing but instead focus on what I can do to make up for the lacking portions.
Today, I have realized that when I feel I lack fulfillment in certain aspects of my life, I should try to be fulfilled in other aspects.
Maybe God is telling me to rest in some aspects first because He also wants me to grow in other aspects and thus, He wants me to learn more and do more. Maybe in the long run, this set-up if better than what I originally want and that this is what is best for me.
Sometimes I can't help but question God why things happen the way they do and I just end up feeling miserable and sad. But I guess in the end, it is better to think that God always has plans for me and that His plans are always for my best interest. I just have to trust His own timing and know that His plans are far greater than whatever I can imagine for myself.
I just have to wait. And of course, do my part-that is instead of wallowing in sadness, try to make the best out of every situation and learn whatever I can learn. God is merciful and he gives grace and wisdom to those who ask.
For now, I am praying for strength. I hope God gives me strength to accept the moment I am in right now and the strength to act whenever I have the opportunity to change something.
Please make me stronger and smarter. Amen.
When there's nothing else...
I do not know why I particularly chose to write the title above even though I know it does not make sense out of whatever emotion/s I have right now.
Yes... This is one of the moments when I feel that only blogging can make my mind clearer. One of the moments, when only writing whatever that runs in my head can make me stop and see, and perhaps clearly see what is going on.
I know I am the kind of person who always wants to choose to be happy and optimistic... but just for today, and just like all the other days when I said some other excuses... please, please allow me to wander towards the lonely side of the road, put on a sad face and somehow stop pretending that everything is...............okay, let me stop. I can't even type that.
Reality is, I can't even stay sad (or maybe TOOOO sad) for so long. Why? Because it makes me feel that I am ungrateful. To God and to everything that He is giving and bestowing upon me.
I know, recently, some things are going wrong and I feel bad about certain things. It seems that what I have hoped for in some aspects aren't really what they are and I don't know, i just feel not so joyful sometimes and I just feel that I am gonna fall into some state of depression or loneliness or whatsoever or maybe I just don't feel like I am ok or I do not know...
That was nonsense and erroneous... .And that is the exact reason why I do not want to choose to be lonely. Because in the same way that the 'sense' of the previously written run-on sentence vanished, when I deprived myself of pauses and periods, the moment I decide to give in to my rants and to my whatnots without really thinking if choosing to be lonely is that worth it, I lose my sense and often make mistakes.
I am not saying that I should not be sad or I should lie to myself about being sad. But I guess, it is enough that I acknowledge to myself that I am sad, something is not ok, and then think of ways how to get out of the situation I am in. I guess the bad thing is when I start to wallow in loneliness and lose myself in the process... and worse, lose the opportunities to get out of loneliness because I am too busy pretending to be lonely for the sake of it.
Now, why do I feel this way?
Because I feel that one aspect of my life has no growth.
What I think of as a solution?
Grow in other aspects.
Some people blame others for the bad things that happen to them or the bad situation that they are in. But I guess, everything really depends on your own choices and perspective. It all depends on how you look at the situation and whether you can see the advantage you can get in whatever situation you might face.
I guess it also depends on realizing how blessed you are and appreciating the things you have. As one instructor said, when you don't like a situation that you can't really change immediately and you have to endure it for some reason, just make a thank you list and think of all the positive things you acquire from that situation or person.
Being negative does not help! You only make yourself suffer more.
Be pro-active. Be energetic in searching for ways on how to improve your life and yourself.
Most often, other people are so busy minding their own businesses that's why it is better to avoid thinking too much about what others would think or say. Say what you want, assert yourself especially if you believe that you don't get what you deserve. But never forget Respect.
Use your time wisely. Every second is important so don't waste it feeling blue.
Be thankful to God and realize that He puts you there for a reason.
Trust His reasons because they are always the best and someday, everything will make sense and you will realize why it became such since from the start.
Now.....I guess the title is really wrong... because there will always be something... nothingness is just nothing.
Yes... This is one of the moments when I feel that only blogging can make my mind clearer. One of the moments, when only writing whatever that runs in my head can make me stop and see, and perhaps clearly see what is going on.
I know I am the kind of person who always wants to choose to be happy and optimistic... but just for today, and just like all the other days when I said some other excuses... please, please allow me to wander towards the lonely side of the road, put on a sad face and somehow stop pretending that everything is...............okay, let me stop. I can't even type that.
Reality is, I can't even stay sad (or maybe TOOOO sad) for so long. Why? Because it makes me feel that I am ungrateful. To God and to everything that He is giving and bestowing upon me.
I know, recently, some things are going wrong and I feel bad about certain things. It seems that what I have hoped for in some aspects aren't really what they are and I don't know, i just feel not so joyful sometimes and I just feel that I am gonna fall into some state of depression or loneliness or whatsoever or maybe I just don't feel like I am ok or I do not know...
That was nonsense and erroneous... .And that is the exact reason why I do not want to choose to be lonely. Because in the same way that the 'sense' of the previously written run-on sentence vanished, when I deprived myself of pauses and periods, the moment I decide to give in to my rants and to my whatnots without really thinking if choosing to be lonely is that worth it, I lose my sense and often make mistakes.
I am not saying that I should not be sad or I should lie to myself about being sad. But I guess, it is enough that I acknowledge to myself that I am sad, something is not ok, and then think of ways how to get out of the situation I am in. I guess the bad thing is when I start to wallow in loneliness and lose myself in the process... and worse, lose the opportunities to get out of loneliness because I am too busy pretending to be lonely for the sake of it.
Now, why do I feel this way?
Because I feel that one aspect of my life has no growth.
What I think of as a solution?
Grow in other aspects.
Some people blame others for the bad things that happen to them or the bad situation that they are in. But I guess, everything really depends on your own choices and perspective. It all depends on how you look at the situation and whether you can see the advantage you can get in whatever situation you might face.
I guess it also depends on realizing how blessed you are and appreciating the things you have. As one instructor said, when you don't like a situation that you can't really change immediately and you have to endure it for some reason, just make a thank you list and think of all the positive things you acquire from that situation or person.
Being negative does not help! You only make yourself suffer more.
Be pro-active. Be energetic in searching for ways on how to improve your life and yourself.
Most often, other people are so busy minding their own businesses that's why it is better to avoid thinking too much about what others would think or say. Say what you want, assert yourself especially if you believe that you don't get what you deserve. But never forget Respect.
Use your time wisely. Every second is important so don't waste it feeling blue.
Be thankful to God and realize that He puts you there for a reason.
Trust His reasons because they are always the best and someday, everything will make sense and you will realize why it became such since from the start.
Now.....I guess the title is really wrong... because there will always be something... nothingness is just nothing.
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