i want to enjoy my life

yes i do want to enjoy it.
duh.
who doesn't want to right?

it seems that i am once again contained in a box.
a box whose bounds are invisible, so i have no idea where they end.
but i know that i can remove myself from this box.

i always criticize myself for not being able to to anything... sometimes i feel sad because it seems to me that my life lacks excitement. that i am just always at home. that i don't know a lot of stuffs. that i need to exert much effort for me to really arrive at something. that i am not particularly good at anything. that i don't have a hobby--> and this sucks. i don't know. do i really need to try that hard?

before, i was trying to deny these kinds of things. saying that i do have a hobby and that is reading. but how can i still say that when i haven't finished a novel since summer classes started? i find it quite frustrating that i get bored at stuffs in which people find enjoyment. i am bored by games. yeah. like computer games. or maybe i just don't have the resources to play games? nah. i don't watch anime or fantacize over those korean dramas. i am not a basketball fan. im not an avid fan of anything. do i even express myself? do i even have the time or capability to do anything besides studying? hahahaha. loser much? anyway. i'm just ranting.

my friend told me before that he was just trying hard. that's why he appears to be jack of all trades. but me? i don't know.

while i'm writing this, i feel that i am sinning against the splendor that God has bestowed on me. yeah, He blesses me much and perhaps it's just me that thinks this way of myself. perhaps, each person is just endowed with his or her own kind of thing and as for now, this is my thing..... but the whole point is that i am already feeling sad because i want to accomplish more. i want to be more active. to be happier by being able to do things and enjoy this life to the fullest.

okay. dramas aside okay.
maybe i need to shrug my drama.
maybe that's the reason why i don't have a hobby.
hhahahaha :))


yes yes.
i can still be in control
and i can still change.
if i want to.
i can still be happier.

being happy. God gives me a lot of reason to be happy and i need to just realize my full potential :)
we're all capable! if we'll work for it.
i want to be capable.

i don't want to be a weakling.
i don't want to be a loser, well,no one is! God makes us all winners if we grab our chances for victory!
so much for negativities :P

i do want to be happier.
i do want to be active.
i do want to earn money.
i do want to learn a lot of things.
i do want to acquire more skills.
i do want to be more talented.
i do want to serve God.
i do want to be a better person.

God, please help me!?
please. :)

>>if you really want something, the whole universe will conspire with you.-Paulo Coelho

and i really want those "i do want to..." things.
therefore, the totality of universe will conspire with me :)

lence. gumalaw ka na. :)