i need to stop it

yes.
i do need to stop these tormenting thoughts in my head caused by the very befuddling acts of a very unfathomable circumstance.
will i pm first?
will i text first?
will i approach first?
will i greet first?
of course NOT.
yes.
of course NOT.
but will i wait for the time when these things unfold in my eyes?
what if they don't happem?
then they are not just meant.
of course i'll not move in terms of this matter.
i am NOT one to initiate.
let it be...

talking to myself.
NO. i won't.

pmed me, at the onther end, also did pm someone else
bought me pasalubong, also bought someone else, for sure
texted me, texting someong else

that is the REALITY. i have forced it in myself even before.
yet i try to hang on to my own perplexed reality. perhaps for the reason that i have no other option i allow myself to have.

will i move?
NO.
i don't want to initiate.