Unproductive

For this past year I have been feeling that I'm being unproductive in achieving my goals, or even at setting goals that is.

I encounter a lot of issues with myself, from being able to write a grammatically perfect english or japanese sentence, to avoiding the urge to use social networking sites. 

What happened to me? 

Work happened.

And though I know that work should not really be an excuse in learning outside the halls of your office, somehow I feel that it has impeded my growth in other aspects of my life.

Why? Because it is tiring to work.

It drains my energy. It makes me feel exhausted. It takes majority of my time during weekdays.

And while I have the urge to do some great things outside work, my weak self succumbs to every opportunity to just relax, do nothing, think nothing and be nothing, every waking moment that I don't spend inside the office.

This is sooo bad. And though I am trying to stop it, it keeps getting worse...

In my mind, I know what I want to do and what I should do. But my degraded discipline level can't keep up with the demands I have for myself.

I know I have to stop wasting time. I have to start growing again. I need to realize the value of time that I have. I must stop reminsicing the glorious past when I was Ms. Full of Discipline and instead focus on how I can be Ms. Smart again.

I need to forget the greatness of yesterday and instead focus on how I can make my future great. 

From now on.

From now on, I will organize my thoughts more. I will always set goals for the day and fulfill the goals that I have set. I will be a better person.

I will not waste time anymore and use every waking moment for productivity and for the greater glory of God.

Everyday is different but with God, everyday can be great.

3 words. 3 themes that will make me achieve more, from hereonwards. 

Health. Knowledge. Kindness.

3 themes thag I should pursue. 

3 themes that I am gonna aim for.

There's no going back. There's only moving forward. I can not be trapped in the past. I need to regain the glorious days when I can will myself to do anything that I must do. 

Grace comes from God.

But essentially, Life is what I make from what God provides. i am gonna make it great. I am gonna use my resources wisely. I am gonna take care of these blessings. 

This might be a struggle as of the present. But baby steps are better than nothing. 

Build a good foundation for success.

Trust God and offer Him everything.

New Perspective

...Today was a very enlightening day that I decided to blog just to preserve my thoughts so I can re-read them again in the future. 

I talked with our training facilitator and he gave me a lot of advice that made me think things differently.

First, be patient. Don't let your passion destroy you. Consider this moment as what's really meant to happen. Learn everything you can and treat it as preparation for the future. Don't haste because there's enough time for you to do everything. When the time comes that opportunity presents itself, you'll feel it and you'll be prepared. God will provide in His own time. Ask God what is His will and be calm and content to follow. Keep your dreams but don't let them be the driving force of your life. Don't destroy the natural flow of things. Let it be and trust that God will provide in the end.

Tomorrow is a start of a brand new day!

Just wanted to blog this line as a proof of my commitment to start anew the road to productivity and learning!

Let my battle with dicsipline begin! 

confidence

They say that confidence is sexy. And my problem? I have no confidence! Hahaha. But I think I am sexy. JK.

Anyway, kidding aside... I think this has been one of my personal problems ever since.
I have this bad habit of bringing myself down.. of saying bad things about myself..of not being too assertive.. about being indecisive... about not being too confident enough.

I have always told myself to improve this aspect. I know that I so blessed by God with so many things and being confident does not equate to being boastful.. it means that you are proud that you have a God who blesses you with so much.

My playing small does not do the world any good.

I have always believed that it is better to seize the moment and to have the confidence to face the world. Malaki ang nagagawa ng lakas ng loob. At kailangan kong sabihin to sa sarili ko araw araw.

Maybe this is the reason why I face this situation right now.//

I don't really know how I come across people but I guess,, I am quite sure that "confident" is not one of the adjectives that easily comes with my name...and I need to change that.

In life, you have to know what you want. and what you want to be... And you must do what it takes to achieve the state you want to be in. And before any other person can believe you, I think that it is very important to believe yourself first.

Believe you are beautiful. Believe you are worth it. Believe that you excel in what you do.
And I bet that everyday will be different. Different in a sense that you'll have more chances to see opportunities and challenges. And you know that you will be OK.

Because with your confidence comes the thinking that you are not alone and that God is with you.

This is my little project. From now on, I will try to be confident. I will try to showcase the gifts and blessings that God had endowed upon me. I will be the instrument of His grace to others. For it is only when I strongly believe that I am blessed that I can be a blessing to others too. So help me God.

Tears

They say that to stop your tears from flowing, just look up. I tried. And yes, my tears remained in tact. Maybe it's because when you look up, you can imagine God looking at you too, telling you to hold on and just try.. And believe that He has the best plans in store for you.

Getting sad gets you nowhere..

I don't know if it is hormones or it is just me.. But here I am again, in that point where the word sadness feels so close to my heart. I hate it, this state. This feeling. And I know that while being sad does not do me any good, I can't help but give in and be stupid. 

I want to think of happiness. I want to see myself in a state where I won't cry just with simple thoughts about the things that make me sad.

Sometimes, I ask myself what happened to me?

Before, I have always taken pride in being a pro-active person, one who will not be put down by challenges but one who rises and beats the odds. 

I want to be that kind of person. I know that our lives practically consist of a series of choices and as much as I can, I choose to be positive, happy and nice. But I don't know. It just seems that I am always pulled back to that hole where my loneliness does not have the heart to contain itself. That hole where I become so familiar with the word sadness that I need to repeat the word happiness over and over just to grasp its meaning. 

I am not depressed. But I think I have taken the wrong path in dealing with my emotions.

Before, I told myself that I should be honest with myself and feel what I need to feel in that moment. Yes, I still believe that it is better to acknowledge what you are feeling. If you feel unhappy, go and be unhappy. But don't linger. Don't get addicted to loneliness. 

For the past few days, I have been thinking that I am sad and thus I've sunk even deeper into sadness. I guess it is already a common knowledge that what you think has a great chance of becoming true and apparently, it can not be even more true in this case.

Getting lonely will get you nowhere.

It will lead you to get stuck in a situation when you could have spent your time thinking of ways to improve your life.  

In fact, I think there is a bog difference between saying the words 'unhappy' and 'sad'. I think, from now on, I will prefer to say unhappy because at least happy is still there.

I know that these are just challenges and that God never gives us anything that we can't handle. Sometimes it might be too tempting to get addicted to unhappiness because it might be the easy resort, but I sincerely believe that if we look close enough, we can find happiness in moat aspects of life.

One does not need to give up. One has to gather his or her strength to go on and keep fighting. We may not always get what we want but there will always be good things awaiting for us.

Today, I decide to be happy and to look at the positive things. I might be faking it but I know that when you don't have any other choice, most of the time, it is better to be happy than to be sad.

Just do the things that can make you happy. Find self growth and trust God that everything happens for a reason. Look up! Cheer up! Stay positive and stay excellent!

And don't forget to smile..

Bubble

I was okay. I was trying to be okay. I was trying to make the beat out of the situation. But you came and burst my bubble. I don't know which is better. Having to pretend that everything is okay and eventually feeling okay. Or being faced again will all the issues and perplexities when you know the only solution is to accept. Sometimes, I think, what have I done wrong to deserve this.
But then i stop thinking about it because I know God does not punish.

What should I do.